83 days, 7 vlogs and many phases of Jon aka exboozehound

I’ve been told today…..

I’ve been told today…..

Since my noggin doc appointment on Monday I haven’t been very well, partly through exhaustion (I know pathetic I don’t even work!!), partly through anger, partly through fear, partly through new meds (I like the new meds they make me feel very very relaxed, almost high 🙂 ).….

Let’s be honest there are many many reasons for me not being very well the main one being that I am mentally ill, so I’m gunna stop mulling it over in my noggin and I’m gunna blast a few things out randomly and then see what happens…..

I’ve been going down hill for weeks and fighting it
I’ve been getting frustrated with people (I now know that was me frustrated with me)
I’m scared what an actual diagnosis will do to my noggin
I’m scared I’ll never be able to work again
I’m scared I’ll never be “fixed”
I’m scared I don’t know who I am (cus I’ve not been me for so long I’ve been “Jon”)
I’m scared no one will ever be able to love me and trust me
I’m scared, I’m frightened, I’m pathetic, I’m not man enough

Oh yes and I’m feeling sorry for myself!!!!

Yes, I’ve been going down hill and fighting it because that’s what us mentalists do, we fight!
Yes, I’m frustrated at me, that’s good because I’m frustrated cus I know I’m better than this!
Who gives a shite about an actual diagnosis, book monkeys ain’t got a clue anyway!
Work, well if it comes to it and you can’t work again, fuck it, it is what it is!
Fixed, fixed doesn’t exist, everybody out there is bonkers they just don’t know it yet!
Who am I? I’m a good person, that’s all that matters!
If no one can trust and love me, then tough….. Shit happens!
Scared, no your not! Frightened, no your not! Pathetic, no your not! Man enough, yes you fucking are!

Right, that solves that…. Doesn’t it?

Nope!

I’m gunna feel a little sorry for myself for a bit, I won’t be smiling all the time, I might even keep my gob still for a bit and reflect or maybe I’ll #ReevaluateAdaptChange …. Again….

I have been told today that I need to concentrate on myself which I’m going to do.

The amazing person who told me this also said many other amazing things to me which I am going to keep to myself, all I will say is it was exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you, you have just stopped a Nutjob going into a full meltdown xx

Oddly I’ve had a couple of DM’s on Twitter today that have given me more fight and belief, I hope you will get something from them aswell….

Anon 1

I will RT your mission re: mental illness Xxxxxx You’re RockStar Jon, bravo!

Me
Thank you…. RockStar? I wish xx
How’s things your end? X

Anon 1
Things busy in NYC & I’m not fond of summer. Ok if not RockStar then Lord of Raomi Land (Raise awareness on mental illness) xxo

…that’s as witty as I get at 6:31 am NYC time…. Sorry I did not see your message until just now. Have a great day Jon.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

These words blew me away! How amazing for someone to take their time to say that to me!!

Anon 2

I normally hate it when people turn my stuff into “their stuff”, but I’m going to do exactly that here…
For the past 20 years ish I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks with nobody ever really knowing why, and tbh that was my own fault, I’ve spent time having different therapies – inc a month at the priory as an in-patient after a catatonic breakdown, and although it helped I still wasn’t “well”…
Last year again I was back on meds and I finally got regular weekly counselling on the NHS. I don’t know what was different about this counsellor, but after 20 years I was finally honest about everything. My ex husband had been abusive in the worst ways but the long mental abuse really fucked me up (lol)… anyway.. point is, that after only 16 sessions of nhs counselling I’m now a different person. I genuinely now believe that if you stick at it long enough eventually you will meet a healthcare professional who u will click with and who can get you to unlock all the crap. Don’t get me wrong it was hideous and the flashbacks and nightmares were awful BUT if a fucked up nightmare can be “cured” whilst having treatment for cancer, ANYONE can… before treatment I couldn’t even get hugs from my kids round my neck cause it would trigger flashbacks… now I can swing them round my head & shoulders without a worry! I even gave my ex a lift recently without a panic attack.
Keep asking for weekly sessions as tablets only mask what’s going on inside. You CAN get through anything, I can see how strong and determined you are, please just believe in yourself and that you WILL get there 🙂 xx

Me
You are amazing!!!
How do you feel about being quoted on my blog?
Understand if no
I think I’ve met my healthcare professional

Anon 2

I am very NOT amazing lol! Not sure what in my blethering is quotable, but sure lol!
I can see you’re a fighter and have faith in u s’all 🙂

All I can say is inspirational, and thank you x

Right so I’m gunna concentrate on myself for a couple of weeks see if I can get a few positive things moving forward, watch this space?

I need and it is a need not a want, I NEED more guest bloggers, new bloggers, return bloggers, mentalist bloggers, alcoholic bloggers (both active and retired), mentalists and alcoholics victims bloggers, “normal” bloggers etc etc. As I hope you know by now no subject is off the table!!!!

Some of you will be thinking “I wish I could write something, but I can’t” bollox to that yes you can, write something and send it to me…. I wrote something for a friend the other day and he wrote back and told me it was shite…. Well, that’s the point it might not be perfect but it’s what’s in your noggin at the time and what’s in your noggin is more than likely in someone else’s noggin and reading it will help them, writing it will help you so just bloody write it….

Sometimes we have to be told, I’ve been told today and now so have you….

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

oh and don’t forget my book

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//

F’d off with this shite

I have a feeling this post is gunna be a complete pile of shite cus my head ain’t in the right place but I need to post to get it out, sorry.

I know I have to see a psychiatrist cus I’m a mentalist but I just don’t think the build up before the appointment and the immense disappointment after the appointment is worth it. My NEW noggin doc is a good bloke and he knows his game but it has been 2 months between appointments and yesterday we spoke for 26 minutes during which he spoke for about 2 of them. He asked me to make another appointment for 6 to 8 weeks time but I couldn’t cus he is completely and utterly fully booked and just to fuck me off a little bit more when he writes me a prescription for the new meds I’ve gotta take my file has still got the wrong fucking address on it. I have advised my address change many times to the NHS.

Although to be fair to the NHS I have advised my address change to the DWP many times but they still have it wrong and during a conversation yesterday, a call I had to make, I was read a warning about action being taken against me if I failed to provide up to date details…. I made a phone call to them because 52 weeks on I haven’t had my interview I should of had after 13 weeks as they have a bit of a back log…. Can I take action against them for not providing me with up to date details????

I need to stress that I like the new noggin doc, like I liked my last one who I saw twice before I was swapped to another one because the original one was a temporary measure, a temporary measure that no one could be arsed to tell me about. This will come as no great shock when I say the issue is the broken, pathetic, not fit for purpose NHS system it is broken and it is un fixable!!!! And it’s not just the mental health side that’s broken, oooohh nnooooo, after what I witnessed in Truro hospital last week and some of the many many other stories I have been told recently….

In the past I have made sure I stressed how good the people within the system are and in the main they are but the nurses on duty, (I’d say looking after but that would be bullshite!!) I wouldn’t let them look after a bucket of shite…. The doctor I spoke with was fantastic but the people in charge of making sure my nan was comfortable and not in too much pain were useless to the point that the buzzer each patient should have was still wrapped around the top of the bed before someone overheard my mom saying to nan that she should push the buzzer if she needed anything….

Anywhoo….

I don’t know why I asked the noggin doc yesterday about a diagnosis but I did and he gave me a vague different diagnosis to the vague diagnosis the last noggin doc gave me after I had to ask. I’m not gunna ask again cus it really doesn’t matter…. As I’ve said before I believe what noggin docs do is mainly guess work, they chuck a few pills at you and see what effect they have on you, then they find out that effect 8 weeks later at the next 25 minute appointment. Problem is, this process is fucking with my head and fucking with my life, I want to start making some more positive constructive steps forward to get back into the real world but it’s just not possible!!!! And it’s not possible because of the NHS, yes I am getting some help from them now but it is far too late, veeeeery slow and veeeeery painful and having a veeeeery negative effect on me and those around me.

How the fuck is a noggin doc supposed to make a specific diagnosis or put together a useful care plan when they only see you for 25 minutes every 8 weeks. The answer to this question is They can’t, so you end up like a fucking puppet hanging from strings unable to move your body and life forward yourself…. It’s an absolute disgrace!!!!

I used the word negative a few lines ago, this is a very negative moment in my joke of a life and if I wasn’t as strong as I am fuck knows what would happen, but because of me, because I am selfish, because I am stubborn, because I’m a fucking determined c**t I will spin this negative to a positive and I will use it to give me more determination to make a difference, I will use that determination to make sure I fix myself cus let’s face it the NHS CANT BE ARSED AND HAVENT GOT ANYWHERE NEAR THE RESOURCES THEY NEED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, ALL THEY DO IS MAKE ME WORSE AND PUT ME IN DANGER.watch The Belko Experiment movie online now

Some of the above is a little unfair to the people who I see on a regular basis these days, but I’m pretty sure they would agree with most of it, off the record of course….

So where has this weeks NHS appointment left me?
Sitting on my own writing this, mobile switched off, logged out of Twitter, logged out of Facebook. I can’t face logging into either of them and those who know me will know how often I am usually on them both.

So thank you once again NHS your help has left me isolated and not wanting to communicate with the outside world…. That’s progress!!!!

I’ve now got to see if I can work out how to post links to this post without fully logging in to Facebook and Twitter, I know it’s possible but my head is currently fucked up I can’t thunk.

Thanks NHS, thanks for absolutely NOTHING!!!

Also I would like to say a special thank you to EBE’s for treating me like a c**t as well

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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//

Got something to say? Yes you have!!!

G’day hope you are all well or even well’ish……

I got a bit thorfull and emotional yesterday and posted a couple of things on Facebook, well if I’m honest I probably posted about 102 posts, think I might be a little addicted to FB and Twitter it’s almost as if I have an addictive personality….. Who’d of thunk it???

image

image

I woke this morning about 5:30am and have been wide awake since then, I have the urge to write something but I’ve decided to keep my gob shut (fingers still) for a change and ask you guys for some more guest posts. There are NO subjects off limits so you can write whatever your heart and noggin wants to.

This will sound a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I don’t really care cus yes I am after attention I want attention for exboozehound so exboozehound can help more people…. Again that sounds a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I have had a lot of private messages saying I have helped people and the words of previous guest posters have helped people as well and we HAVE to keep talking or indeed typing about all this so that no “odd thought” or “mentalist feelings” are kept hidden away, if we hide them they destroy us!!!live streaming film King Arthur: Legend of the Sword online

I was told a new inspirational quote the other day by a new very talented friend and I wanted to share it….

image

Good’un ain’t it?!

Ok get your thinking cap on, strap on a pair and write me summit, something that will inspire people to work everyday to overcome their personal demons. If a proper numpty like me can do it you can do it as well!!!

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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//

There ain’t a thing YOU can’t handle

I’m gunna edit the title a smidge by just adding one important word….

There ain’t a thing YOU can’t handle, eventually

I used to say “nothing I can’t handle” a lot, I now add the word eventually. This additional word has come from experience, cus there is a lot of stuff I can’t handle in the now. Deep down I’m a bit of a pussy, stuff gets to me, stuff makes me emotional, stuff makes me dolallytap but what is an outburst gunna achieve? Nothing but guilt, regret, renumeration (not sure if that’s the correct word, so I’ll add another one) thunking…. Thunking is overrated if you are thunking in a negative way.

You know if you do have an outburst you will use it to beat yourself up with for days maybe weeks maybe longer. But NEVER beat yourself up about shite like that, it happened, it’s gone, move on…. Apologise if you have to or makes amends if you can but move on cus unless you happen to meet Doctor Who or Doc Brown you ain’t gunna get hold of a time machine….

I’m just wondering if anyone spotted the word pussy above? That’s a negative word, I ain’t a pussy (possibly debatable) I have an illness, I’m a mentalist. If you are a mentalist as well you have to believe you are strong…. If you weren’t strong you would of done one a long time ago…. Us mentalists are strong and we are amazing people!!!! FACT!!!!

I’m gunna quote myself now cus although initially I guess you will think “yup this guys a proper nut job!” If you have a think about the words you will understand….

“There’s only one difference between “normals” and us mentalists and that’s us mentalists are intelligent enough to know we are fucked up, “normals” haven’t worked it out yet….”

If you are a mentalist be proud cus you are a strong, wonderful, caring, person who has a lot to give to the world, you will have a special talent, you may not know what it is yet but if you are open and honest with yourself you will find it….

So, remember….

There ain’t a thing YOU can’t handle, eventually….

I received a message on Facebook the other day from a friend, it made me so proud…..

“Iv adopted your enjoy the good ride out the bad ethos and tbh mate it’s great as when I’m down I now tell myself that I’m not down it’s just my mind tricking me into thinking that and that I just need to ride it out obviously it’s all still there but it’s decent and I suppose if your mind can trick you you can trick your mind”

“So the good I enjoy the bad Well I welcome the fight fuck having an easy time, normal brains are for the weak :)”

Keep Going ?

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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Last week I finally became a man

G’day all, how’s it hanging?

This will be a short post and unless you were with me last week you probably won’t understand what the hell I’m going on about but hey ho if you’ve read my stuff before you know this is how I roll….

I’ve just spent the last week in Corfu, it was amazing, hotel was shite, staff at the hotel were shite, food at the hotel was shite, BUT the people were absolutely amazing, two in particular (xx).

It was all inclusive, lol, so everyone was drinking ALL DAY, which at times was difficult but doable and very enjoyable although sometimes a little annoying, bloody drunkards, lol. I spent a lot of my time with the two most amazing people I have ever had the honour to spend time with!!!!

I spoke openly, as always, about being a mentalist alcoholic and people want to talk about there experiences of this world which is awesome. Of course me being me I did a lot of selling exboozehound but although probably very annoying it is now my “work” being exboozehound is why I am here, it’s my destiny…. (Don’t worry I haven’t gone all flowery n shite, I’m just in touch with my inner “Poof!” (No offence intended with that word, it’s only a word and I ain’t intelligent so my vocabulary is limited to neandathol words)).

I’m gunna leave it there….

Make sense at all? Probably not!!

Will it make sense to some people? I bloody hope so!!

If you were there last week and you feel you can add a comment please do, I have to approve all comments and if you want it to be anonymous just add it to the comment and I will remove your name xx

Keep Going 😉

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#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Regrets

“its better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven’t”

This was the motto I decided to live my life by over 11 years ago whilst in the Woodbourne Priory, Booze Clinic on my Booze cruise to end all Booze crews, without Booze 🙁

When I analyse this motto (by the way I know its not the exact motto but I don’t care, I thought about googling the correct motto, the old Jon would of but the new Jon knows there’s more important things to worry about!!!) sometimes it makes sense and other times it seems like blox. But now, after yesterday evening it has a new conatation (bad spelling, maybe wrong word, dont care 🙂 ) 

Simply….

“its better to regret”

I regret last night, but the alternative is much worse and NEVER an option!!!! Not gunna explain that, “It is what it is”

I regret but I don’t and wont feel guilt, guilt is a waste of energy, for me if you feel guilt about something do something about it or “build a bridge and get over it” (words pinched from an amazing person, you know who you are x).

Last night for many many reasons Mental Illness got hold of me and controlled me, I fought it for hours and tried to stay in my logical and wise mind (Mindfulness) but in the end my emotional mind got hold of me and made a bit of a scene (mahoosive understatement!!)

So, i’m not going to build a bridge I’m going to do something about it.

If you were in Russells Hall A&E last night SORRY!! That sorry is for everyone, Staff, Patients and definitely for the three security guards, in particular for the dark haired one who appeared second and thank you to all three of you. I hope one day I will be able to meet you face to face and say sorry shake your hands and say thank you. To the reception ladies (probably not the correct title, sorry) you were amazing and I know you will continue to be amazing!!

However my apology is not for the two Noggin Docs…. You were pathetic, maybe you were trying to get a reaction from me but if you weren’t you need some new books!! I have now met some really amazing book monkeys but you two are the reason these words exist and will remain in my vocabulary.

Just as an aside the vending machine by the door owes me £1.80.

Will I regret this post? Probably

Is it what it is? Yup

Does shit happen? Yup

Am I calm today? Yup

Will I come out the other side? Yup

Why am I posting this? Now there’s a good question!!!!

I am posting this because anyone out there that is ever considering the alternative option, the one I wasn’t going to explain but will now….

“I’d be better off dead”

 

If you EVER think that, and I know you do, please KNOW it’s ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS!! You have fought and survived this far and there isn’t ANYTHING that can make that thought correct, there isn’t ANYTHING that you cant get through and come out the other side of, I promise you 100% ANYTHING is recoverable and you will get through it, FACT, FACT, FACT, FACT, FACT, FACT!

 

“From adversity comes strength”

 

Thank you bro for helping me through last night, you were and are amazing!!!! I will keep your texts forever to remind me of what an Amazing, Loving, Intelligent, Strong, person you are and how fortunate and blessed I am to have a bro and a friend like you. If I could make one request though, please stop dressing smart cus you put me to shame and make me look like Shrek!! 🙁 😉 x

I am changing my sign off from Keep Smiling to Keep Going because although smiling is good it can also be so false!!!!

Keep Going 😉

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#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




I hurt daily

Don’t worry I’m not after sympathy it’s just a fact…. Each and every day I feel pain, excruciating mental pain…. But every single last bit of that pain is worth it as the alternative is something I don’t think about these days!!!!

My whole life I have considered myself a failure, a loser, a waste of a human being, a useless c**t!!!!

I never found anything that I excelled at, I was pretty much shite at everything!!!!

I have now found what I am good at and that is BEING ME…. Who’d of thunk it??

If I never achieve anything else in life I know I have achieved something that money cannot buy…. I received a message (a while back) saying I stopped someone killing themselves and that my blog was one of the only things keeping them going….

Currently I am doing a lot of strange things and making decisions that people think are based on my mania…. A lot of them are…. One of them isn’t!!!!

I’ve purchased a watch today, that I can’t afford, but I wanted something special to remember this FANTASTIC and HORRENDOUS time of my life…. Something other that tattoos (soz Mom x) the next tattoo idea is almost ready to go, needs a little bit of tweaking and drawing properly but it will be something like this: –

image

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days pulling together the final draft of my “memoir” (that word sucks!), it’s 225 pages and I’m now going to look into self publishing, I have had some great advice already 🙂 . I think the title is going to be: –

@exboozehound – “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
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#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Sometimes I just want to give up on life

I was planning to stay away from blogging for a couple of weeks to have a little break from the turmoil of opening up my heart and mind and to get guest bloggers thoughts and feelings as well. I have a few more guest blogs to come and I thought the recent guest post by anon MC was amazing, amazing in an unpleasant way at times but amazing non the less because it is honest and for me it shows others they are not alone…. EVER!!

However, I received a message on Twitter and part of this message said how much they liked my honesty, yes I have been very honest, I have to be, but I haven’t been entirely honest recently, that is about to change and you can probably guess where we are going from the title of this post…. “sometimes I just want to give up on life” sounds negative and yes it is so let’s just deal with the negative side of this title to begin with….

I do want to give up on life because it is so fucking hard, day by day us mentalists struggle with the unseen pain of our illness, whatever the diagnosis if you actually have one. Why do I want to give up on life at the moment?…

Partly cus that’s just the way it is with MI your noggin tells you your a waste of a human being and the world would be a better place without you, your friends and family could stop worrying about you and get on with their lives, and anyway let’s face it no matter how much you try you will always be a failure at life so just fucking give up…. Am I right or am I right?

Partly cus I’m on another one of those cycles getting used to new meds….

Partly cus I want to move forward positively but I just can’t cus I can’t put my health at risk….

Partly cus I’m tired and bored of all the shite….

But hold up…. WTF? WGO?…

I’ll tell you what’s going on, I’m fucking feeling sorry for myself, oh woe is me life isn’t fair…. Damn fucking right life isn’t fair you fucking pussy it never has been and it never will be, life doesn’t owe you a thing if you want something then you have to do something so get off your fucking arse and do something!!!!

Ok, let’s deal with the positive side of “sometimes I just want to give up on life”.… How can there be a positive side to these words, these feelings? Easy, these thoughts and words are bullshit!!!! There is no way in this world you are gunna give up on life cus you have come so far, yes you still have a long way to go but exboozehound makes a difference, exboozehound helps people and in helping people you help yourself, you give yourself a purpose and you believe/know now that is the point of you…. (Ok, maybe the last bit is delusional, but you would think the same if you could see the messages I get in private and the things people say to me face to face, I am actually truly blessed with a beautiful life, beautiful cus it now has reason).

There’s nothing wrong with thinking and feeling “sometimes I just want to give up on life” it’s a fact of life. Look at it a different way…. Your looking for something around the house and you keep going back into the same room and looking under the the same object, you have even checked the fridge twice…. But the more you look the more you wind yourself up and you will never find it then cus your not actually looking anymore your energy is being spent going dolallytap and beating yourself up for being such a div…. It’s the same thing really life a bunch of keys, you will find them, but you may just have to chill the fuck out to enable that find….

Does any of that share make any sense?

Ok “sometimes I just want to give up on life”…. Yup!!!!

But…. Are you going to give up on life?…. Fuck no!!!! I’ve got shite to do, important shite!!!!

So, what’s the plan? Erm…. Mmm…. Urr….

The plan? I know what the plan is and I’m doing what I can to implement it, but in order to do so I need to think a lot and thunking ain’t really my bag….

I’m going to be sending some emails and DM’s to some of you, if you can’t help I won’t be upset, but I have to ask so I hope your not angered by me.

So…. is this a negative or positive post?… Without one simple word it would be negative and that word is sometimes….

Sometimes makes it a positive post cus it is just sometimes rather than all the time…. Inevitably there will be bad times just as there will be good times, all we have to do is….
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Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

oh and don’t forget my book

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Should have, Would have, Could have

G’day all, as I have been asked out of the blue recently “how’s it hanging?” Don’t worry you don’t need to answer that!!!! Unfortunately I did answer the question…… But received no response???

Anywhoo….

Below is another guest post from Saf (@safsaf02561914). I’m going to try and keep my gob shut for a short while on this post (if you’ve been here before you will know how difficult this will be for me!!!)

What I will say is the below post is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

Thank you Saf xx

Should have, Would have, Could have

Hi everyone, Saf back again with pearls of other peoples wisdom!

This blog is all about the demands and commands we place on ourselves. A wee ( im Scottish) disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, this blog does not constitute help from a registered professional and is my own musing only.

Ok thats the legal bit over with!

So I have watched some, what I think, are really useful Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) videos lately presented and based on the work of Dr Albert Ellis and one presented by Dr Luann Helms Utah state University (links at the end of the blog). The videos look at CBT and RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) for stress and anxiety among many other mental health conditions. After watching them I was struck by how much I took from them, I have tried CBT before and reflection to varying levels of success but I took a lot from how the ideas in these resources where presented. In all likelihood I wont do these professionals any justice but I hope to share some of their ideas with you.

So to the title of the blog, one major idea that came out of watching the videos was this concept of being trapped by the would, should and coulds. Have you ever berated yourself with the following¦ I should have done that, I could have done this etc etc. Well I’m guessing yes, as it works for the blog so just roll with it. You could be at mercy of demanding and commanding that you and world bend to irrational perfection. To quote RET, the inference or assumption that you MUST have or be something; you MUST succeed , you MUST! Have approval, you MUST be perfect. Dr Albert Ellis speaks about the Dire need to make these happen when in fact you should be looking at Unconditional self-acceptance. Accepting you NO MATTER WHAT, and when Dr Ellis says no matter what he means it. He means, accepting yourself in the absence of the very things you may build your life upon, the absence of success, achievement, approval, talent and the list goes on.

Ellis talks about Irrational and Rational living, Irrational living is living to these infallible commandments that you MUST, yes it would be preferable not to fail, be a screw up , not get that job, or have negative things happen but it is not a MUST. This is irrational and utopian. It creates an overwhelming state of anxiety, setting you up for that inevitable fall. Now, there is nothing wrong with what Ellis terms rational concern. Of course you can be concerned at the habits that are having negative impact on your body or mind, of course you want to better yourself but and its a big but (snigger, sorry I just said big but, get it hmmm anyways) this only entangles you more into a cycle of worrying about the worry you focus so much on the fact you might fail that you have little energy left for actually tackling the issue that may cause the failure or negative consequence in the first place (I have got the t shirt on this one!) . You could live your life in a valuable way should these things not happen. Just because you fail once, does not mean you will fail again and again and even if you fail again and again this still does not mean you are a failure! You rate your actions NOT You! Ellis blows the idea of being a bad person of the water , universal rating; rating yourself as ultimately bad or good is hogwash according to Ellis and Helms. You do bad things; you do good things. Your behaviour will be liked and disliked by others. You decide what fits most with who you want to be. Shame and guilt, Helms states only leads to defining you as the problem. YOU ARE NOT! The things you do may be, these can be changed!

Helms talks about practising feeling a certain way, ask yourself this. if your returning again and again to that one or maybe more than one (if your me!) negative experiences in your day, week, year whatever; you are practising that pain! Now picture yourself rationalising this out, so you feel bad, you dont want to feel this way, so what do you do you go back to what was painful and you relive it over and over again wait.WHAT!!!

Really would you ever, even on a bad day, advise anyone else to do this???

Again, Im guessing but NO!!

Helms also talks about the ideal self, take one mountain (life), a path up that mountain (your journey) and your ideal self at the top. The idea is you are either getting further away from or closer to that ideal self, you never reach it because your ideal self, changes as you gain life experience and grow. What you can do is rate your action (not you!) on how close to your ideal self it takes you, how far up or down that mountain. This helped me put things into perspective and not judge all my actions as utterly terrible or utterly brilliant, both bring their own fall out and pressure. Try to put some space between yourself and IT, whatever it may be. Are you looking at the situation / issue or your interpretation of it. It is our interpretation of an event that calls forth the thoughts and feelings and ultimately how we deal with it. This is huge for me in my anxiety, I’m reactive rather than reflective. I jump to conclusions, assume its my fault or I am the fault. This is not popular, being anxious is not sexy or cool, and it does not inspire confidence in you from others, oops looking for approval again! Helms and Ellis point out that society does judged anxious people as good candidates for jobs, success or life WRONG!

If you can work, and it will be work!, to dial it back a notch or two it is very useful, not only from caveman era when we depended on fear and anxiety to stay alive but also now, it fuels self-development, caring for others, caring for ourselves and helping wider society (its still not a must!, even if you dont do these things you can live a valuable life). Dealing in absolutes and trying to guarantee, well .guarantees is..well good luck with that! In short get better yes, but give yourself the space to do that! Putting to many parameters up and deciding the world owes you, will not get you any further up that mountain. Look at the events that have brought you here, do they still have to upset you? Is being upset about them useful?

Dispute your reaction and interaction with your demons. Are you applying the what if monster or the should haves and could haves? You may not like your situation; it may be painful but is it intolerable? Or can you endure, youd be surprised!

Give up on the demands and commands, accept yourself and maybe you could even reach out and teach others in their turmoil (Hi JON!!, yes Im looking at you!). Above all else, when you can, use humour! (Thanks Dr Ellis).

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3

Yo, exboozehound back again to sign off, told ya FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂




Stick a fork in me I’m done (ish)

Quick and simple post…….. Hopefully?!watch full movie Assassin’s Creed 2016 online

on Thursday a friend put this on Face Book….

“How about just be you mate? Your a smashing guy, you dont need to change, you may have to do a little bit of tweaking from time to time but thats it.”

Yup…. I cried
Nope…. I’m not ashamed of that!

Yesterday I posted this….

On Thursday I shed a few tears

Grrrrrrr I’ve just lost the words I have typed this morning 3 times Grrrrrrr. Patience has run out I may return to this….. Grrrrrrr

Keep smiling 🙂

Right, let’s try again….

Yesterday I posted this….
“On Thursday I shed a few tears

FFS fucking crashed again…. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

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