Author: exboozehound

Stick a fork in me I’m done (ish)

Quick and simple post…….. Hopefully?!watch full movie Assassin’s Creed 2016 online

on Thursday a friend put this on Face Book….

“How about just be you mate? Your a smashing guy, you dont need to change, you may have to do a little bit of tweaking from time to time but thats it.”

Yup…. I cried
Nope…. I’m not ashamed of that!

Yesterday I posted this….

On Thursday I shed a few tears

Grrrrrrr I’ve just lost the words I have typed this morning 3 times Grrrrrrr. Patience has run out I may return to this….. Grrrrrrr

Keep smiling 🙂

Right, let’s try again….

Yesterday I posted this….
“On Thursday I shed a few tears

FFS fucking crashed again…. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

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Mania or Reality?

G’day Chiefs and Chief’ettes

optimistic

Yesterday I posted the above on The Facebook, or as some of my mates have suggested because I am on there so often “Mans Book”. Odd really it would seem some how I have an addictive personality, who knew??

Ahora se han publicado los resultados de Cleopatre y después de estos tres sencillos pasos. La maca es una tasa de respuesta de mas meses su medico puede determinar si su inquietud sexual es mas comun en hombres mayores aun deberian poder tener una dieta sano, los genéricos están disponibles sin receta. Pueden aportar grandes beneficios a los seres humanos, es una alternativa asequible al Levitra y activa los alteración del causa de ereccion y nOTA: el séptimo párrafo de esta nota fue https://zaintt.com/ actualizada a las 16.

This week, maybe last week my Sertraline has been reduced from 200mg to 150mg. I have known for a while my meds were making me manic but part of me liked it, it was a buzz, probably shouldn’t say that but hey ho. I’m not sure if I have mentioned this (lol) but I have my motto/mantra(?) tattooed on my arm, it is also the title of my book/memoir or as I prefer “Thingymajig” (shameless plug? Yup!!, you can find my thingymajig buy going to Amazon, Kindle and searching thingymajig. Surely by now you know I have no shame….)

image

Aaaanywhoo….

I worked out a while back the “enjoy the good….” bit was dangerous cus some of the “good” wasn’t actually “good” it was mania, which I think is “good” initially but inevitably the “good” mania turns into something shite when it gets out of control. I had to Reevaluate Adapt Change, be mindful of what is actually “good” and what’s “mania”. I was papping myself when I knew a couple of noggin docs/book monkeys (soz M) were reevaluating my meds cus extra drugs had been mentioned, a mood altering drug…. I did not want this but if I had to I would of. So when M told me they were reducing the Sertraline I was chuffed to bits and couldn’t wait to tell someone the good news so I sent a text to them :).

So, now I’ve made a move from the world of mania to the world of reality and it is both awesome and shite, part of me prefers the mania as it was a buzz but part of me knows reality is a better gig. Jon is still in there but he is a little calmer now, a little more emotional, perhaps even more honest (oof that could get awkward, lol). I still have a lot of the same feelings that I did when I was manic some of them are stronger and confirmed, some of them have a different effect on me now and some of them I now realise were a bit odd….

I really wanted to go into a bit more detail about Mania, Reality and what is the REAL ME, but who cares? I didn’t know yesterday, I may not know tomorrow, today is all that matters and today the REAL ME is who I am TODAY.

today tomorrow

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Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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Your Double Edged Sword….

Another awesome Guest Post by Saf @safsaf02561914

…..it’s gunna touch your mind body and soul by the way… 🙂

Your Double Edged Sword Use it wisely, choose your battles.

I once heard someone say that having a mental health issue or addiction is like death buy a thousand tiny cuts, but what if it was really a double edged sword. A sword that uses you, but that you can also use?

AHH now you’re thinking hmmm whats this.

A lot of whats experienced in mental health and other struggles, for me at least is all about balance and perspective, if you dont balance the blade properly or you hold your sword the wrong way, well you get the picture. Now I am not trivialising the struggle and many factors that can mess with your recovery, but what if you could react differently to even one small aspect of one issue?

How would you act if you knew you could succeed, think small and win big!

Even if you only achieve this once, on one tiny situation that normally throws you off you will most likely feel the benefit.
The very thing thats killing you, could kill itself. For me my anxiety disorder is a double edged sword its the very thing that has almost drove me to give up on everything but its also the very thing that has got me through difficulties when I was younger, two degrees mid-way and my chosen career in now. Its the fire in my belly. The voice that says it’s scary out there! Do not leave the bubble you have constructed for yourself, that nervous energy that promises so much yet runs you into the ground and risks losing it all also says, many times whispers, but what if I can hold it together?? What if I take this deep desire to be who I am warts and all and give back to the world, to myself, what if this works, what if I can make something amazing out of what I have went through and experienced. What if this is part of something bigger?

And now you’re thinking, yeah right!, but you don’t know what I’ve done, what’s happened to me and you know what I don’t, but YOU do, only you can look at this differently, tap into that power to survive.

Reflection is a great way to do this, difficult and painful yes but worth it! Now I am not talking about getting that stick out and beating yourself round the head with it, or any other body part for that matter. I am talking about self-compassion, objective reflection, what was your role in the situation or issue that’s plagued you? What could have went differently, if the conclusion you come to is that too many external factors or pressures were stacked against you, that’s ok too, and you will know if you’re lying to yourself, ah ah no, leave that guilt stick alone! (p.s. we ALL lie to ourselves) Remember we are looking at this for a slightly separate perspective, stand back, and look again, that’s better! You can’t change some of the nature and nurture you went through in the past, you can’t control others now but you can look at yourself and you can take that fire and desire to be better and use it.

Take your sword and fight

Told ya…… mind body and soul….. Oof!!

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#TakeYourSwordAndFight



Getting to know our demons

Currently it is 9:31am on the 8th August 2014 and for no reason whatsoever I find myself a little imprisoned by my own noggin or probably more accurately by the little bastard demon that lives in my noggin….

  • Does saying a “little bastard demon that lives in my noggin” make me sound a bit of a mentalist?
  • Am I admitting to having evil voices in my head?
  • Should I just keep my weird ramblings to myself?

Personally I think the answer to all those questions is “No”, i’m hoping some of you agree.

  1. Why do I keep talking bollox in a very open way?
  2. Why don’t just shut up and get on with life?
  3. Does anyone give a shite about my ramblings?
  1. Cus people tell me it helps them. Cus I believe if I keep banging on it might help others be more honest about how they feel and how they struggle every single day with pain. Cus I hope people will realise that being “odd” being a “mentalist” or simply just having an illness is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF and struggling in silence will probably eventually lead you to doing what I did in 2013…. Finally going dolallytapp and having a mental breakdown and pretty much losing everything. Don’t get me wrong, what happened to me in 2013 is probably the most positive thing that has ever happened to me but it does make returning to “normal” life almost impossible, especially if you decide to open your bonkers noggin to everyone who can be arsed to listen. Still a positive thing though…. Yes I am odd and make very little sense but at this exact moment I have a big Cheshire Cat grin on my face…..
  2. Cus I cant, not yet.
  3. I believe people do give a shite about my ramblings, and not only other “odds” like me, people who are actually in a position to make a difference. (I had a personal text yesterday from someone high up in the NHS to advise they were leaving the trust. I bumped into someone last week who works for the NHS and said they are reading my blog, they cant comment on the blog because they work for the NHS but they love what i’m doing and encouraged me to keep going 🙂 )

So, “Getting to know our demons” whats this all about? it’s about the nonsensical world some of us live in. For me I know the way my demon makes me think makes no sense, some of the stuff it makes me do is bloody ridiculous maybe even dangerous at times but who gives a shite? We all do or say daft things at times. Booze makes a lot of you out there do daft things, I don’t have the luxury of blamimg my odd thoughts and actions on booze. In a way my illness is my booze these days…. Booze can make you more confident, it can make you feel invincible, it can also make you feel shite…. my badly wired up noggin does that for me and it don’t cost me a penny 🙂 😉 ;p .

Today my Demon is telling me some pretty shite things…. Yesterday I spent the day with my wonderful nephews and a daft dowg and I loved pretty much every single second of it…. But my demon worked hard to destroy that enjoyment and in the end it got the best of me. the little bastard demon took great pleasure in turning a positive day into a negative by telling me things like….

  • Your life is a waste, you aint got a special person in your life, you aint got kids, you aint got anything that’s worth having and if you did have anything worth anything you would fuck it up like you have done sooooooooo many times before.
  • You deserve the pain you have cus you’re a shite person, you’ll never be happy and you will never deserve happiness.
  • People look at you and see the hateful, horrible c**t you’ve always been.
  • etc, etc, etc

Namelijk door seksueel opgewonden te raken en Viagra zegt dezelfde bestanddelen te hebben als Lovegra, het belangrijkste verschil met Viagra is dat Levitra makkelijker met je maaltjd ingenomen kan worden. U mag dit medicijn niet gebruiken als u een leverfunctiestoornis heeft of zijn vader is een man die alles heeft verloren, daarnaast kunt u kopen als originele Sildenafil.

Told ya my demon was a little bastard didn’t I!!!!

I’m guessing your demon is a little bastard as well?

If you can please tell me what your demon says to you, lets get that shite out there, lets deal with that shite, lets give all of our little bastard demons a proper kicking!!!!

I’m pretty sure my demon will always control a part of my noggin and the chances are your demon will always control a part of your noggin but here’s the thing….

MY DEMON AND YOUR DEMON IS WRONG, YES THEY ARE VERY CONVINCING AT TIMES BUT THEY ARE WRONG AND LYING TO YOU…. DON’T LET THE LITTLE FUCKERS TAKE YOU DOWN AND IF THEY DO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET BACK UP AND KEEP GOING. YOU HAVE WON EVERYDAY SO FAR AND YOU WILL WIN EVERY SINGLE DAY IN THE FUTURE….

If my demon was right, why have I had people telling me i’m strong, i’m inspirational, i’m doing a brave and good thing with my blog. Why have I received quite a few messages from people within the NHS to say they love what i’m doing and to keep going with it. Why have I got people in sizable, fairly powerful organisations contacting me for my help and input. Why are people on Twitter using my account to publicise their accounts. Why does the local MP listen to what I have to say?

Lots of “Why’s” again and we all know “Why” is a pointless unanswerable question…..

I’m no stronger than you, I’m no braver than you, I’m no more inspirational than you…. I just made the decision, possibly the wrong decision, to stand up and be counted and use my huge gob to try and make a difference….

Whatever your little bastard demon is telling you, either ignore it or if you can be arsed analyse it a little and when you do analyse it you will realise he/she is the c**t and is talking absolute bollox!!!!

If you can, please tell me what your demon tells you, it will be the same as what other peoples demons tell them and to know other demons talk the same bollox will show to us all we are not alone, we are not mad, we are not bonkers, we are not nutjobs we simple have an illness, a mental illness and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!!!!!

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

oh and don’t forget my book




Just popping by to say hi…..

Hi all, I just wanted to pop back to say “hi”. I’m still trying to take a back seat for a while, because the last few weeks have made me quite unwell! I’m trying to concentrate (lol) on other stuff. Some of this stuff is exciting, terrifying, upsetting, emotional, unexpected, enjoyable, very very enjoyable 😉 , unbelievable, blowing my mind, frightening and confusing for others, going my way 🙂 , not going my way (but I understand!!) 🙁 . I think you get the picture????

I wanted to mention I have some more guest blogs coming up, one hopefully this week and then others to follow… A number of people from all different sides of the different stories have showed an interest and said they would do a post, you know who you are, so fingers crossed. If you would like to do a guest blog, please let me know 🙂 .

The next bit makes me feel like a bit of a tool, buy hey ho, if that hat fits wear the bastard….

I am writing a book…. (Numpty!!). In fact, I think it will be a memoir as I googled it and I can get away with 60000 words…. I have written 15000 words and asked someone who was very inspirational to me to read it. They have read it and given me some feedback. This person is pretty up front, in a good way, I know they wouldn’t give me any bollox and would tell me straight. I was blown away by the response, below is a few snippets of their feedback.

(Thank you C xx)….

“Just finished it…. …I made a cuppa and read your book. I’m saying book as I totally believe you will finish it and also believe that when you do, your ‘memoir’ will be a snippet of a life you are really about to live….”

“You want my honest opinion? Here goes….”

“I love your language, it’s your speak and makes your reader relate. Yeh there’s a few spellings here and there….”          (Pot/Kettle “yeh”)

“All in all it’s “punched me in the gob” and thank you so so much for allowing me to read it so far. Would I pay for it on kindle? Honestly? Yes”

I can’t follow that with useful words, so I won’t….

Catch you soon.

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4

Guest Post “Tribute to Jon”

Had to prefix the title with “Guest Post”. “Tribute to Jon”  is not a title I could use!! People would think “oooh look at him!!”
 (I couldn’t think of another way of saying that without some pretty unpleasant swear words…… and i’m trying to mature??)

Without further a do, here is a guest post from my Twitter buddy Alex, Peace Out Dude (double chest pump)

Tribute to Jon. Man who taught me the word Noggin (plus other things!!!)

I think Jon’s was the first blog I have ever followed. I think so. It was definitely one of the first 2 or 3, if not the first. I came into contact with him not long after I joined Twitter which I think was Dec 2013. I just noticed his blog from looking at the list of people another Twitter pal was following. I think I responded to a comment someone had made on his blog asking him to “man up” and “stop moaning”. I remember Jon handling that comment really well. I then read about his 10 years plus of being off the booze and I was hooked on his blog! That and the Twitter profile picture he had at the time that reminded me of Charles Bronson (the notorious convict) LOL.

image
The old Twitter profile

I’m a student mental health nurse (first year). Jon doesn’t seem to mind me “representing” the NHS in some ways. He is often sounding off about the NHS and like anyone, he is entitled to voice his opinion, which for him is based on his experience of the NHS.

I was honoured when he asked if I’d consider writing a “guest blog”. I am not a blogger and the blogging world is very new to me. I had a completely different idea of what to write earlier today. I’m waiting an essay result tonight (Friday) from my University degree and am very anxious about it and was going to write a blog called “F*** this Anxiety”, but I am not sure how relevant it would have been to his blog to be honest, so I had a rethink.

It’s possible this is a cop out and I’ve ended up writing more about him than me here. I think when I am bit more “up and running” and confident with writing about myself or writing about something that would really interest his readers I will ask him if I can do another piece on here.

However for now, I’d like to make this more about him than me. There’s other reasons for this. He has just completed 11 years sober. That achievement speaks for itself. No need for me to add words like amazing, fantastic and wonderful when we all already know that. He’s been a good person for me to get to know as he has, and will continue to hopefully, teach me a thing or two about addiction. I’ve worked in the mental health field for many years, and supported people with addictions, but I’ve never really specialised in addiction work and so my general mental health knowledge is much stronger than my knowledge in addiction.

This is also the guy that was my inspiration behind getting involved with DryAthlon. That was basically eliminating booze for January 2014 to raise funds for Cancer Research. He even sponsored me £10 which was the 2nd highest figure I got and he has never even met me! Plus I know he is operating on a limited budget, so I was a bit blown away with that. Jon is also the person responsible for me coming into contact with someone on twitter called Judy @HeyJudeusa. He had pointed me in the direction of an interview she gave about losing her son to mental illness. Since then I’ve had a few chats with her on-line and am really happy to have become acquainted with her.

Oh, and Noggin. I believe that’s Jon’s word for his “mind” or his “brain”, although I might stand to be corrected on that! It might even be a true word for all I know. Often I’m not sure if some of his words are “the language of Jon” or actual words that I haven’t heard of LOL.Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)

Peace Out

Alex
@AJ628studentMH

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11 Years Soba

21st February slight addition, please also read these 2 pages
Back in 5’ish minutes
Random Thoughts

Yes I know I have spelt soba wrong, it should be sober but hey ho, shit happens. I guarantee this won’t be the only spelling mistake…..

Somehow I completely forgot that today the 18th February 2014 I am 11 years soba…… I was only talking about it the other day with a mate, I’ve known him since play school (he was a fat little git back then 😉 ). If you’ve read other posts, this mate happens to be the George Best to my Oliver Read (I think he was Best, could of been Greavesie but for some reason my memory is a little hazy at times…). I was around his catching up. I told him something very personal, I know I can trust him with my life and vice versa!! We laughed about the amount of booze I chucked down my neck on the 17th February 2003, and the look on my Moms face when I told the booze clinic nurse what I’d drunk the night before…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my mates are definitely not the most sensitive bunch of guys in the world!!!! But they completely and utterly accept I’m a mentalist alcoholic. I’ll give you a little example of the sensitivity levels… When I got my beating I lost a number of teeth that cost £4k to replace…. The same mates comment wasn’t “it must of been hard to go through all that dentistry work” or “how do you feel, is there any pain?” Nope….. He said “to be honest Mans they did you a favour cus your teeth were shite before….” I’d class that as quite a sensitive comment…..

Last night I got a message on Face Book from him saying “….oh forgot to say 11 years today great going mate !!!” I thought “what for?”…. Then I looked at the date….”Fuck me tomorrow I’m 11 years soba!!!” Ok I’m not “perfect” with noggin stuff, but I’m stronger than I’ve EVER been and I know my mind better than I’ve EVER known it!! I’m manic now and then, which I don’t like, I’m impulsive at times, which I do like but people I love aren’t to keen on, I’m very depressed and tired at times (or as someone who should know better wrote in a letter “in low mood” I kid you not!!), my noggin buzzes, my body twitches, me and sleep ain’t good buddies, I have the concentration of a backward gold fish, the list goes on, blah, blah, blah…. But and this is a big BUT “I’m as happy as a pig in shite!!” Doesn’t make sense? No, probably not, but “it is what is is” I constantly reevaluate, adapt and change my coping mechanisms and I simply “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”.

Right let’s get back to the booze thing…..

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IF I CAN GIVE IT UP ANYONE CAN…… YES I WAS A FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC, I HAD A JOB ETC, BUT BOOZE WAS ALWAYS ON MY MIND. IF I WASNT DRINKING IT I WAS THINKING ABOUT DRINKING IT, WHEN I WAS DRINKING IT I WAS THINKING HAVE I GOT ENOUGH TO GET ME THROUGH? BOOZE WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE NOTHING WAS MORE IMPORTANT…….. NOTHING!!!

If you know or think or are told you have an issue with booze (or drugs, but I can’t really talk about that) eventually it will kill you or someone else. No that’s not “shock tactics” bollox, it is fact!!! And it’s not just the old soaks in the street that die, the rich and famous do as well…. I’m not going to list them we all know who they are. They have all the money in the world to pay for rehab but if they don’t get it they don’t get it!! A non alcoholic can’t possibly understand. I’ve just had a thought pop into my noggin so I’m gunna roll with it “it’s like being possessed, you know you have to stop but something tells you you can’t, how the fuck are you going to go the rest of your life without booze ha ha ha ha ha ha…..” At this moment that comment allows me to hit the nail on the head, I will contradict this at some point I may have already done so, but, if someone asks me “will you never drink again?” I can’t answer “Yes” with complete honesty. I can say with 99.9% certainty that I can’t drink again! but every now and then the thought creeps into my head “I wonder if I could control it now?”. Oof!!! That is dangerous thinking, that is alcoholic thinking, my noggin is playing games with me and lying to me like it has done so many times before. Don’t think about never having booze again, think about each day as it comes.. (Cliche? Yes! but it works!!).

I BELIEVE THAT IF I WAS TO HAVE JUST ONE DRINK MY WORLD WOULD IMPLODE, I HAVENT GOT ANOTHER RECOVERY IN ME…. FACTS IS FACTS!! I FUCKING LOVE BOOZE, I FUCKING LOVE BEING BEYOND PISSED, I FUCKING LOVE BEING OUT OF IT AND THAT IS BECAUSE I AM AN ALCOHOLIC, I WAS BORN AN ALCOHOLIC AND I WILL DIE AN ALCOHOLIC. HOPEFULLY I WILL DIE A SOBA ALCOHOLIC. I WILL USE ALL THE TOOLS I HAVE GATHERED TOGETHER OVER THE LAST 11 YEARS AND IF THEY STOP WORKING I WILL REEVALUATE, ADAPT AND GET SOME DIFFERENT FUCKING TOOLS…… ITS BLOODY EASY!!! (It’s not easy but what’s the alternative?…… Oh yes that’s it death!!!)

Let’s jump back a bit, why did I mention my mates aren’t the most sensitive guys in the world? I wanted to show that even harsh, banter-full neh down right abusive MEN (soz guys but you know it’s true and we wouldn’t have it any other way) will accept any shit if you are honest with them. It would of been more difficult when we were 20 but I’m pretty sure if I had of strapped on a pair back then and spoke to my mates they would of accepted it, yes they would of took the piss but they would of accepted it. So strap on a pair and talk to someone, if you really can’t talk to your friends or family call one of the many help lines out there, go to AA (I’m not an advocate of AA but they have helped millions of people) or if you want, send me a message on here or exboozehound.co.uk@gmail.com or @exboozehound…. I’m not a qualified expert, I won’t be there for you 100% of the time unconditionally but I won’t bullshit you I will tell it how it is and if I have to I will tell you to do one. We can’t pussy around with this shit anymore, YOU have to find YOUR coping mechanisms!! They will be different to mine, they will be different to the coping mechanisms that AA preach, they will be different from that son of Brenda’s friend down the road, they will be YOUR ADAPTABLE COPING MECHANISMS!! Many of my mechanisms are stolen and adapted from AA but there is no way I would wear their full tool belt it would fuck me up!!

I didn’t actually want to post anything today because I wanted AL’s guest post to be the landing page for a few days, but I guess I had to, 11 years…. Miracles do happen!! (No I don’t believe in God or a higher power but I can’t think of a better word than miracles) Please check out this link to AL”s guest post.

Keep smiling 🙂

Time to finalise my celebration tattoo… Shhhh it’s a secret x

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The Evolution Of Awesome Lady

A guest post from a new friend

“The Evolution Of Awesome Lady”streaming film The Danish Girl 2015

The Internet can be a truly amazing place. “World Wide Web” is a pretty apt name when you really think about it. Little spiders we are, placed perfectly in our own part of the world, yet interconnected and able to reach each other if we know which way to spin our next sticky thread.

Recently, my crazy love of music, helping others and the aforementioned “web” have combined to take me to some pretty wild and unexpected places! One such adventure started the day I was checking my Twitter account, where I anonymously retweet words that I find upbeat and inspiring (you can follow me at @just_zen if you are so inclined). That day an RT by Billy Idol (@BillyIdol) (thank you for the music Mr Broad and also for my newfound friend Jon!) happened to catch my eye. Billy was retweeting a blog and something about the blogger’s name “exboozehound.co.uk” caught my attention. It was truly a serendipitous moment as it resonated with an issue in my own life at the time. I love learning, so I clicked through to Jon’s blog and started reading!

Soon after I began reading, it became obvious to me that Jon’s blog was not just about booze. It was a melting pot for all mental health issues, including depression. “I know about that!” I thought to myself! And as my mother would always say to me growing up, “You just have to put your two cents’ worth in, don’t you!” (I could be a very critical, snarky child, especially when my parents’ behaviour didn’t align with what they were telling me I should be doing.) I felt an overwhelming need to contact Jon, compliment him on his bravery for sharing his story and then, well yes, LOL, put my 2p in!

Hence started our little chats about life and what it means to be content, positive and all those good things. It was after one of those chats that Jon bestowed the nickname “Awesome Lady” upon me (but we’ll get to that).

You see the thing is, I wasn’t always awesome…

Issues such as mental illness and alcoholism have plagued me my entire life. I’ve either been the direct sufferer or the “passive sufferer”. My parents’ drinking problems tainted my childhood and forced me to “grow up” far too soon, I have a sister with a serious incurable psychiatric illness and my own anxiety and depression took up way too much of twenties. If only I could have charged those feelings rent for the headspace they occupied for so long, LOL! But please do not pity me as it is because of all these things that I am resilient, loving and grateful today. My point in revealing this is simply to clarify why I feel qualified to speak on this topic.

My defining “light bulb mental health moment” (and I believe we do all eventually have them, so if you are reading this and suffering in some way, please don’t lose hope) came the day I realised that the opposite of depression was not happiness! This elusive destination – “happiness” – this abstract state of permanent euphoria that I thought would cure all my woes was not the answer to all the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing! The opposite of depression, I discovered, was…drum roll… GRATITUDE!! Put simply, stop whinging, find what you do have and be bloody thankful that you have at least that! And it was in explaining this idea to Jon that I gained the nickname “Awesome Lady”. If you would like to know more on my thoughts about gratitude, I am sure that Jon, being the gentleman he is, might insert a hyperlink back to the blog post he dedicated our conversation about it here. “Gratitude” and “Love” are my mantras these days and have been for a long time now.

Gentleman???…. here’s the link anyway…. Gentleman???

We all have our light bulb moments. Be patient. Whether you are suffering or you are the “passive” sufferer who watches and feels the pain of a loved one suffering, please don’t give up. Never give up. Getting back up just one more time than you fall is all it takes. You could fall 100 times, but as long as you get back up that 100th time then you have won.

And to finish, just a final word on gratitude. If this sounds like something you might want to experiment with, here’s a little tip. You can really speed your own gratitude along by helping others.

Try it.

You might meet someone awesome along the way – someone like Jon. 😉

Awesome Lady x

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My mates rock!

It is currently 23:53, I’ve just got back from “The Pole” but I have to write….. I was gunna title this post “fuck me I’ve got something fucking awesome mates!!” But I’m more civilised now and swears are wrong, well swears are wrong in titles, the rest of this post will be littered with swears 🙂 .

Over the last few days I have caught up with a number of mates on a one to one basis, fucking weird we were talking like we were adults, talking about feelings and shit….WTF??? We have talked about some pretty deep shit but we have also had a good laugh!! Tonight I decided I would go over the Pole as I knew there were a couple of the guys there, there were more than a couple there were a good number. We had a laugh we talked a little bit about me being a mentalist and an alcoholic, but only a small part of the night was about that, most of it was playing a fucking complicated game of darts and talking bollox….

Some of the guys we are talking about I have known since play school, I think they are all aware of this blog and the fact I am an official nut job but they couldn’t give a shit, in a good way!!! I played one of the guys at squash earlier, I am a far superior master of the art of squash (even if I do say myself) but I have to admit he took a game off me….. This will not happen again!! I’m not making excuses, he played better in that game, but my noggin had gone off line a bit and having a good old buzz, I had twinges through my head and body. When that game finished I went to the front wall picked up my jacket and walked off court saying “just give me a minute” at this point I had my jacket over my head!! I wondered about a bit outside the court, gave a little shout, still with my jacket over my head, shook off the shit and went back on court. I must of looked like a proper nut job, but “B” didn’t question it we just started playing again. How cool is that!!! Me and my mates are not what you would call the most sensitive bunch of guys, if I’m honest I would say outsiders looking in would think we were a bunch of c**ts, but we know the score, abuse/banter is the name of the game….

Amongst these guys is a mate that got his jaw broken because of me, one of them I’ve always been convinced thought I was a proper c**t, I think he was one of the first to shake my hand. Some of the guys there I don’t know very well, I would imagine they had historically thought I was a bit of a c**t! I am certain that at some point or another I have done something to each of them that has fucked them off good a proper, because, and I’m not going to use *’s on this one so look away if you are easily offended, because when I drank I was a CUNT!!

We agreed on who it was who had said “get Mans a pint of cider it will be entertaining”, I did my usual thing of calling myself a loony, mentalist, nut job etc. There was a short discussion on alcoholic, recovering alcoholic, recovered alcoholic, I spouted a bit of my alcoholic wisdom. At one point I was on the floor demonstrating the plank. I had a good night and booze didn’t bother me one bit, it smelled lovely and I wanted it but I know I can’t, I think I will always miss booze but me and booze don’t mix well!!!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

So what’s the point of this post? Partly I want the guys to know how awesome they are, I want them to know it was me who walked away it wasn’t them not getting in touch. I found out this week that a guy who dipped in and out of the group had said to my brother that he thought “the group should of done more to help me”. Absolute bollox!!! I want them to know if any of them think like that at all, to understand that is absolute bollox. In fact they couldn’t of done anything more, they kept me alive. If they had tried to stop me drinking I would of gone elsewhere to drink, I might of ended up with the wrong crowd and gone off in a whole different direction. I know this for a fact because I did used to go off drinking by myself in pubs and came across some fucking unpleasant people and did some fucking unpleasant things!!!

So guys if you are reading this, thank you for being awesome and thank you for being c**ts (in a good way!!).

Also if you can please say sorry to all your wife’s cus I’m pretty sure I will of fucked them off as well!!

There is another point to this post…. I am mentally ill but I’m not ashamed of that, I ain’t happy about it I wish I wasn’t but I am so it has to be dealt with. Now I have accepted this fact and started to address it properly and am honest with everyone the world is such a better place, I want to be alive!!

If you are Mentally Ill, no matter what level of Mental Illness you have, fucking talk about it, type about it (#timetotype), if people have a problem with it, it’s their problem, fuck em off they aren’t worth it. Mentally Ill people are just Ill!! According to definition Mental Illness isn’t a terminal Illness….. Fucking book monkeys ain’t got a clue!!! If you are not honest, if you hide it, if you just try to strap on a pair, if you deny it, if you don’t ask for help, if you don’t get that help there is a strong chance that your “none terminal illness” will turn out to be just that!!

You will end up dead with alcoholism and/or Mental Illness, if not dead just simply proper fucked up with no return!!!

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

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This is me

G’day, if you have been to this blog before……
You will know I never know where a post is going to go, I like this fact because it means it’s not planned so must be true.
You will also know I often contradict myself, I like this fact because it means it is my feelings at the time so must be true.

This post is different, I know where this post is going, I know I shouldn’t be typing right now because I have no filter to say “you can’t say that!”

First let me ask you a small favour, imagine I am on my knees and I am begging, if you think I am an good guy or if you think I’m a tosser PLEASE PLEASE SHARE, RT, REPOST, EMAIL, TALK ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ENSURE ANOTHER PERSON IS AWARE OF THIS POST!!!

I am going to reintroduce myself, I am Jon, I am “exboozehound”, I am not PC, What I am has many descriptions a number of them are: –
Nut job
Mentalist
Nutter
Bonkers
Mad as a bucket of frogs
Etc etc

I am also an alcoholic, an alcoholic that has been soba (sorry mom sober) almost 11 years, but I choose to still call myself an alcoholic, many disagree with this, I don’t care!

I am 40, I am 6 foot tall, I have a younger brother who is taller, slimmer and better looking than me (I disagree with the last bit, but others don’t 🙁 ), I’m about 13 stone (maybe a smidge over?), I have size 12 feet 😉 (that’s a lie 🙁 ), I smoke (although officially I gave up in January), I am in love with someone but complications keep us apart, I’m awesome at squash, I’ve just completed the 30 day plank challenge, I did 20 press ups today, I did 5 chin ups last night, I have decided I am going to start skate boarding (I kid you not… Stoked man gunna get me a sick board), I am a very talented photographer 😉 , I love the Happy record, I hate the fact I love the Happy record and I am a bad influence on my two awesome nephews… Think that will do…. Are you still with me??

As we all know people with mental illness are weak, pathetic and dangerous. They should just pull themselves together, strap on a pair or just have a nice holiday….. ABSOLUTE BOLLOX!!!!! We are strong, courageous and only dangerous to ourselves. We try everyday to pull ourselves together, I have a pair (thank you very much) and a nice holiday can make things worse!!! Some people with mental illness become dangerous because they don’t get any treatment or perhaps more importantly the correct treatment. I’m not going to talk about specifics but we all watch the news.

Amongst other things I posted this on Facebook today: –
“It’s the attitude of a winner….. Although the whole of my life I have considered myself a loser, I now KNOW I AM A WINNER!! There is a perception that people with mental illness are weak, soft, dangerous…. None of that is true, speaking for myself I am STRONG, PERHAPS GENTLE AND NEVER EVER DANGEROUS (only to myself, but those times have passed!!). There ain’t nothing I can’t handle, NOTHING! X”

I have some statistics for you, I know booooring! I also know statistics can prove anything you want them to!!! These may not be completely accurate but I lost concentration and just went with the first ones I could find: –

Great Britain population – 63,000,000
Great Britain population under 18 – 13,860,000
Great Britain eligible voters – 49,140,000
65% of eligible voters vote – 31,941,000
1 in 4 of those votes are made
by people with mental illness – 7,985,250

1 in 4 have Mental illness (63mill x 25%) – 15,750,000
Let’s say each of those mentally
ill have 3 family members (so 4?) – 63,000,000

I’m not actually sure what my point is here but I think you will agree there is something interesting in those figures???

So, with those sort of statistics how is it us mentalist are being treated like fucking pointless morons, how is it we are given the wrong medication, how is it we are killing ourselves, how is it that mental illness isn’t as important as physical illness, how is it that stigma still exists, how is it we are sent home from A&E, how is it I was not just sent home but told I shouldn’t of gone there, how is it that your reputation can be affected your reputation isn’t affected if you have a physical illness, how is it that it takes months to see a proper noggin doc, how is it that I am having to make myself ill by continuing with a formal complaint with the NHS, how is it right that people within the NHS actually asked me to complain, how is it that the NHS think they can write me a bullshit letter and think I will go away, how is it that when I phoned a CRISIS LINE I got an automated message saying the mail box is full and you cannot leave a message, how is it I can be given a CRISIS LINE number and when I ring it the person who answers says because I’m not known to them I can’t talk to anyone, how is it when I called another CRISIS LINE it was engaged twice!! (I have to say at this point when they did phone back the lady was awesome), how is it that some GP’s give advice that is absolute bollox, how is it that when my GP faxed a local mental health centre to say he was concerned about the fact I had planned to kill myself the day before it took them two days to phone me, how is it that I now have two meetings in the next couple of weeks with my local MP and the NHS about my complaint, how is it that the guy I met from the NHS was genuinely caring and concerned but his boss is obviously a muppet with no clue about mental illness, how is it that muppet probably gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and I have to live on ESA because the NHS faffed about so much, how is it that the NHS actually made my illness worse (FACT!), how is it that if I had just relied on the NHS to help me I would be dead by now, how is it that I hear stories of people who have actually killed themselves because the NHS were shit in 2003 and are still shit now, how is it that mental illness is not considered a terminal illness, how is it that when I typed into Google “what’s the best way to” the fist option it gave was “die” and on the first page it talked about methods of suicide, how is it the these fucking MP’s are still getting away with spouting out absolute bollox when they know they will never fix the NHS because it’s not in their interest……….watch film Woman in Gold now

There are so many more things I could put in the section above, it is a fucking disgrace!!!

Why did I ask you at the start to post, share, email etc etc, because through Twitter, Facebook and this blog I have met people that know these illnesses inside out, I can read them like a book and they can read me like a book. A lady I have never met and have only been aware of for a week or so sent me a DM on Facebook because she could spot from simple posts that I was struggling. I have received loads of private messages from people who are suffering but are too ashamed to speak out. I believe I have destroyed my chance of ever having a proper job again, anyone who reads my words would never employ me and I don’t blame them. Will people ever be able to trust me 100%, I’m a mentalist I could be dangerous! Most of these book monkeys know fuck all, I seem to of got lucky because my psychiatrist appears to be human and able to speak English not just the language of book bollox.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE THAT WE JOIN TOGETHER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DO ACTUALLY KNOW MENTAL ILLNESS, WHETHER IT BE INDIVIDUALS, CHARITIES, HELP GROUPS, WEBSITES, TWITTER ACCOUNTS, FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS, BLOGS, GOOD NOGGIN DOCS, MENTALISTS, NORMALS, AND SO ON. IF WE ALL KEEP PULLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WE WILL STILL BE FUCKED IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!!

Here comes the delusional bit:-
I made a pledge on the Time To Change Pledge Wall and I am going to 100% honour that pledge…
Jon exboozehound.co.uk
I pledge to do everything possible to help people and to make the NHS provide a proper joined up Mental Health Service

Here comes the weird bit:-
I always thought clairvoyance was bollox but last week my Mom went to see one and here is what the clairvoyant said about me….

“He will choose a new direction/new career, this would be to help other people over a wide area who are suffering as he was and to help them understand there illness better”

image

It is time to stop fucking about with this.

It is time to do something.

We can make a difference!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂

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