Category: Depression

My mates rock!

It is currently 23:53, I’ve just got back from “The Pole” but I have to write….. I was gunna title this post “fuck me I’ve got something fucking awesome mates!!” But I’m more civilised now and swears are wrong, well swears are wrong in titles, the rest of this post will be littered with swears 🙂 .

Over the last few days I have caught up with a number of mates on a one to one basis, fucking weird we were talking like we were adults, talking about feelings and shit….WTF??? We have talked about some pretty deep shit but we have also had a good laugh!! Tonight I decided I would go over the Pole as I knew there were a couple of the guys there, there were more than a couple there were a good number. We had a laugh we talked a little bit about me being a mentalist and an alcoholic, but only a small part of the night was about that, most of it was playing a fucking complicated game of darts and talking bollox….

Some of the guys we are talking about I have known since play school, I think they are all aware of this blog and the fact I am an official nut job but they couldn’t give a shit, in a good way!!! I played one of the guys at squash earlier, I am a far superior master of the art of squash (even if I do say myself) but I have to admit he took a game off me….. This will not happen again!! I’m not making excuses, he played better in that game, but my noggin had gone off line a bit and having a good old buzz, I had twinges through my head and body. When that game finished I went to the front wall picked up my jacket and walked off court saying “just give me a minute” at this point I had my jacket over my head!! I wondered about a bit outside the court, gave a little shout, still with my jacket over my head, shook off the shit and went back on court. I must of looked like a proper nut job, but “B” didn’t question it we just started playing again. How cool is that!!! Me and my mates are not what you would call the most sensitive bunch of guys, if I’m honest I would say outsiders looking in would think we were a bunch of c**ts, but we know the score, abuse/banter is the name of the game….

Amongst these guys is a mate that got his jaw broken because of me, one of them I’ve always been convinced thought I was a proper c**t, I think he was one of the first to shake my hand. Some of the guys there I don’t know very well, I would imagine they had historically thought I was a bit of a c**t! I am certain that at some point or another I have done something to each of them that has fucked them off good a proper, because, and I’m not going to use *’s on this one so look away if you are easily offended, because when I drank I was a CUNT!!

We agreed on who it was who had said “get Mans a pint of cider it will be entertaining”, I did my usual thing of calling myself a loony, mentalist, nut job etc. There was a short discussion on alcoholic, recovering alcoholic, recovered alcoholic, I spouted a bit of my alcoholic wisdom. At one point I was on the floor demonstrating the plank. I had a good night and booze didn’t bother me one bit, it smelled lovely and I wanted it but I know I can’t, I think I will always miss booze but me and booze don’t mix well!!!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

So what’s the point of this post? Partly I want the guys to know how awesome they are, I want them to know it was me who walked away it wasn’t them not getting in touch. I found out this week that a guy who dipped in and out of the group had said to my brother that he thought “the group should of done more to help me”. Absolute bollox!!! I want them to know if any of them think like that at all, to understand that is absolute bollox. In fact they couldn’t of done anything more, they kept me alive. If they had tried to stop me drinking I would of gone elsewhere to drink, I might of ended up with the wrong crowd and gone off in a whole different direction. I know this for a fact because I did used to go off drinking by myself in pubs and came across some fucking unpleasant people and did some fucking unpleasant things!!!

So guys if you are reading this, thank you for being awesome and thank you for being c**ts (in a good way!!).

Also if you can please say sorry to all your wife’s cus I’m pretty sure I will of fucked them off as well!!

There is another point to this post…. I am mentally ill but I’m not ashamed of that, I ain’t happy about it I wish I wasn’t but I am so it has to be dealt with. Now I have accepted this fact and started to address it properly and am honest with everyone the world is such a better place, I want to be alive!!

If you are Mentally Ill, no matter what level of Mental Illness you have, fucking talk about it, type about it (#timetotype), if people have a problem with it, it’s their problem, fuck em off they aren’t worth it. Mentally Ill people are just Ill!! According to definition Mental Illness isn’t a terminal Illness….. Fucking book monkeys ain’t got a clue!!! If you are not honest, if you hide it, if you just try to strap on a pair, if you deny it, if you don’t ask for help, if you don’t get that help there is a strong chance that your “none terminal illness” will turn out to be just that!!

You will end up dead with alcoholism and/or Mental Illness, if not dead just simply proper fucked up with no return!!!

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

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This is me

G’day, if you have been to this blog before……
You will know I never know where a post is going to go, I like this fact because it means it’s not planned so must be true.
You will also know I often contradict myself, I like this fact because it means it is my feelings at the time so must be true.

This post is different, I know where this post is going, I know I shouldn’t be typing right now because I have no filter to say “you can’t say that!”

First let me ask you a small favour, imagine I am on my knees and I am begging, if you think I am an good guy or if you think I’m a tosser PLEASE PLEASE SHARE, RT, REPOST, EMAIL, TALK ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ENSURE ANOTHER PERSON IS AWARE OF THIS POST!!!

I am going to reintroduce myself, I am Jon, I am “exboozehound”, I am not PC, What I am has many descriptions a number of them are: –
Nut job
Mentalist
Nutter
Bonkers
Mad as a bucket of frogs
Etc etc

I am also an alcoholic, an alcoholic that has been soba (sorry mom sober) almost 11 years, but I choose to still call myself an alcoholic, many disagree with this, I don’t care!

I am 40, I am 6 foot tall, I have a younger brother who is taller, slimmer and better looking than me (I disagree with the last bit, but others don’t 🙁 ), I’m about 13 stone (maybe a smidge over?), I have size 12 feet 😉 (that’s a lie 🙁 ), I smoke (although officially I gave up in January), I am in love with someone but complications keep us apart, I’m awesome at squash, I’ve just completed the 30 day plank challenge, I did 20 press ups today, I did 5 chin ups last night, I have decided I am going to start skate boarding (I kid you not… Stoked man gunna get me a sick board), I am a very talented photographer 😉 , I love the Happy record, I hate the fact I love the Happy record and I am a bad influence on my two awesome nephews… Think that will do…. Are you still with me??

As we all know people with mental illness are weak, pathetic and dangerous. They should just pull themselves together, strap on a pair or just have a nice holiday….. ABSOLUTE BOLLOX!!!!! We are strong, courageous and only dangerous to ourselves. We try everyday to pull ourselves together, I have a pair (thank you very much) and a nice holiday can make things worse!!! Some people with mental illness become dangerous because they don’t get any treatment or perhaps more importantly the correct treatment. I’m not going to talk about specifics but we all watch the news.

Amongst other things I posted this on Facebook today: –
“It’s the attitude of a winner….. Although the whole of my life I have considered myself a loser, I now KNOW I AM A WINNER!! There is a perception that people with mental illness are weak, soft, dangerous…. None of that is true, speaking for myself I am STRONG, PERHAPS GENTLE AND NEVER EVER DANGEROUS (only to myself, but those times have passed!!). There ain’t nothing I can’t handle, NOTHING! X”

I have some statistics for you, I know booooring! I also know statistics can prove anything you want them to!!! These may not be completely accurate but I lost concentration and just went with the first ones I could find: –

Great Britain population – 63,000,000
Great Britain population under 18 – 13,860,000
Great Britain eligible voters – 49,140,000
65% of eligible voters vote – 31,941,000
1 in 4 of those votes are made
by people with mental illness – 7,985,250

1 in 4 have Mental illness (63mill x 25%) – 15,750,000
Let’s say each of those mentally
ill have 3 family members (so 4?) – 63,000,000

I’m not actually sure what my point is here but I think you will agree there is something interesting in those figures???

So, with those sort of statistics how is it us mentalist are being treated like fucking pointless morons, how is it we are given the wrong medication, how is it we are killing ourselves, how is it that mental illness isn’t as important as physical illness, how is it that stigma still exists, how is it we are sent home from A&E, how is it I was not just sent home but told I shouldn’t of gone there, how is it that your reputation can be affected your reputation isn’t affected if you have a physical illness, how is it that it takes months to see a proper noggin doc, how is it that I am having to make myself ill by continuing with a formal complaint with the NHS, how is it right that people within the NHS actually asked me to complain, how is it that the NHS think they can write me a bullshit letter and think I will go away, how is it that when I phoned a CRISIS LINE I got an automated message saying the mail box is full and you cannot leave a message, how is it I can be given a CRISIS LINE number and when I ring it the person who answers says because I’m not known to them I can’t talk to anyone, how is it when I called another CRISIS LINE it was engaged twice!! (I have to say at this point when they did phone back the lady was awesome), how is it that some GP’s give advice that is absolute bollox, how is it that when my GP faxed a local mental health centre to say he was concerned about the fact I had planned to kill myself the day before it took them two days to phone me, how is it that I now have two meetings in the next couple of weeks with my local MP and the NHS about my complaint, how is it that the guy I met from the NHS was genuinely caring and concerned but his boss is obviously a muppet with no clue about mental illness, how is it that muppet probably gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and I have to live on ESA because the NHS faffed about so much, how is it that the NHS actually made my illness worse (FACT!), how is it that if I had just relied on the NHS to help me I would be dead by now, how is it that I hear stories of people who have actually killed themselves because the NHS were shit in 2003 and are still shit now, how is it that mental illness is not considered a terminal illness, how is it that when I typed into Google “what’s the best way to” the fist option it gave was “die” and on the first page it talked about methods of suicide, how is it the these fucking MP’s are still getting away with spouting out absolute bollox when they know they will never fix the NHS because it’s not in their interest……….watch film Woman in Gold now

There are so many more things I could put in the section above, it is a fucking disgrace!!!

Why did I ask you at the start to post, share, email etc etc, because through Twitter, Facebook and this blog I have met people that know these illnesses inside out, I can read them like a book and they can read me like a book. A lady I have never met and have only been aware of for a week or so sent me a DM on Facebook because she could spot from simple posts that I was struggling. I have received loads of private messages from people who are suffering but are too ashamed to speak out. I believe I have destroyed my chance of ever having a proper job again, anyone who reads my words would never employ me and I don’t blame them. Will people ever be able to trust me 100%, I’m a mentalist I could be dangerous! Most of these book monkeys know fuck all, I seem to of got lucky because my psychiatrist appears to be human and able to speak English not just the language of book bollox.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE THAT WE JOIN TOGETHER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DO ACTUALLY KNOW MENTAL ILLNESS, WHETHER IT BE INDIVIDUALS, CHARITIES, HELP GROUPS, WEBSITES, TWITTER ACCOUNTS, FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS, BLOGS, GOOD NOGGIN DOCS, MENTALISTS, NORMALS, AND SO ON. IF WE ALL KEEP PULLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WE WILL STILL BE FUCKED IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!!

Here comes the delusional bit:-
I made a pledge on the Time To Change Pledge Wall and I am going to 100% honour that pledge…
Jon exboozehound.co.uk
I pledge to do everything possible to help people and to make the NHS provide a proper joined up Mental Health Service

Here comes the weird bit:-
I always thought clairvoyance was bollox but last week my Mom went to see one and here is what the clairvoyant said about me….

“He will choose a new direction/new career, this would be to help other people over a wide area who are suffering as he was and to help them understand there illness better”

image

It is time to stop fucking about with this.

It is time to do something.

We can make a difference!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂

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Facebook, Friends and Fate

A guest post from a new friend, please also click below to read Judy’s Q&A with www.mensdepression.org

Interview with Judy Fryer, mother who lost her son to depression

Facebook, Friends and Fate

I have been thinking lately, that I love the’ best of ‘ FaceBook! Not keen on the rubbish one sometimes comes across but maybe one person’s rubbish is another person’s interest…. who am I to say. The ‘ best of ‘ for me, is keeping in touch with friends and family worldwide. Viewing their photographs, getting snippets of their life and knowing how they are doing.

Another thing I love to do on FaceBook is to find all kinds of informative pages. My particular interest is Mental Health. I have learned loads from internet websites. It’s amazing what one can find out and what and who you can meet. Guess who I met in this way…..JON….he had written a great piece for Men’s Depression, an American website. I was fascinated by Jon’s story and it struck many chords with me. We have found we have much in common, although I am old enough to be his mother!

I feel as if we have struck up a friendship which I hope will last. A friendship born out of sharing our mutual heartache. Who would ever have imagined. Jon has already got a special place in my heart and I care about him. I get him and I want to see him flourish and prosper and reach the serenity he so much desires and deserves.Watch Froning The Fittest Man In History (2015) Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I guess fate has brought us together. I hope I can be a great friend to Jon and make some small difference in his life. He has made a difference in mine already, he challenges my perceptions, makes me laugh and causes me to think carefully how I view certain aspects of life.

Long live our friendship Jon!

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Overwhelmed

As the title suggests I’m overwhelmed by some of the feed back I’ve had from my guest post on Mensdepression.org (click here to read the post) there has been a few comments on the site and I had a number of messages sent directly, which I wanted to share…. I asked permission to share these words and I’ve made sure there are no names or specific personal details…

from K – Blimey Jon…just read your blog. I didn’t have a clue… I still remember the good old school crush I had on you back in the day..lol.

from C – Ok I read it and blubbed. As always you wrote it as it is. Depression, alcoholism, it’s hardly exciting stuff but it’s compulsive reading all the same. People are noticing you and wanting to publicise your words – that’s seriously impressive!! Your honesty jumps off the text and smacks your reader in the gob – keep going big guy. I have no idea what state your self esteem is in right now – it should be high. If not I bloody hope it’s climbing! You re doing it. May not be bound and sitting on waterstones shelves but I see it coming!!!! You re inspiring me! My book is seriously lightweight, a holiday read but if I can make a buck then I’ll be happy. It’s another handbag! Keep going big guy xxThe Lego Batman Movie (2017)

from A – Two words for your guest post at men’s depression.org (And keep in mind I am usually very lady like, lol!!!) But… Fucking Brilliant!!!! You nailed it Jon! Well done, so proud of you xo

from T – Hi Jon, Firstly can I just say glad to see your doing well and everytime I read something you write I either think spot on or have a chuckle it’s fab mate you have a real skill and love your honesty A lot of what you say rings true and it’s amazing as I worked with you and would never have guessed but we all paint a picture and put walls up from an early age I always felt a bit different tbf due to family issues then got to an age where you think your a man you can cope but when you struggle to be a good mate feel yourself drifting on the edge of a social group or just happy to spend weeks in the house I also was never happy in a relationship and maybe cus wasn’t happy in myself never turned to drink as I’m a lightweight lol but have had very bad thoughts on a few occasions and think maybe didn’t go through with it as was maybe a bit chicken but also have some very highs when I think I’m just being silly pull urself together but hearing you talk makes me connect and I’m sure other peeps will relate you were a pleasure to meet and work with and your a funny guy so genuine so keep going don’t stop and hope you don’t mind rabbling lol some peeps actually find real comfort in ur words

Wow, there isn’t a lot I can say to follow those words apart from Thank you and I am overwhelmed!!!

It has been said to me many times “I cant believe you have depression!” and “You don’t look depressed”, I guess I come across as upbeat and positive and all that….. For the most part I am more upbeat and positive than I have EVER been, but I still know I am ill inside and I am still in pain daily…..Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

Mental Illness and Alcoholism have brought me everything bad in my life, they have also brought me a lot of thing’s good in my life…..

Although I am on the path of recovery they are still putting me into situations I don’t want to be in and still taking stuff away from me!!!

Keep smiling ?

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Taking Stock

This title came to me and yes I had to Google it to make sure it was correct…..

take stock
1. To take an inventory.
2. To make an estimate or appraisal, as of resources or of oneself.

Seems about right.

There are some awesome things going on in my life at the moment

There are some shit things going on in my life at the moment

Some exciting things
Some dull things
Some nice things
Some horrible things
Some easy things
Some hard things

Sometimes I give a shit
Sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I’m happy
Sometimes I’m sad
Sometimes I’m moving forward
Sometimes I’m moving backwards

I think you probably get the point by now….. Things are changeable!!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I have all sorts of feelings going on (sorry another list is coming)….

Anger
Peace
Serenity
Happiness
Sadness
Mental
Sane
Horny
Lonely
Overwhelmed
Mischievous
Wanted
Unwanted
Useful
Helpful
Useless
Selfish
Manic
Relaxed
Fucked up
Fucked over
Determined
Whatever
Excited
Bored….. In fact I am now bored of this list, I guess you probably are too!!

All of the above are probably feelings “A Normal” has all at the same time as well? If you are “A Normal” please answer that question. As “A Mentalist” having all these thoughts and feelings can be confusing and hard work, the way I try to deal with it all is just by accepting whatever is going on (Oof!! How important is that word Acceptance? Answer… Very!)

So I have attempted to “take a stock of myself” and realistically I have achieved nothing and everything at the same time….. Why is nothing straight forward? Answer… Because we make it that way!

This is possibly a bit delusional but I am currently writing a book/memoir after being told by quite a few people I should. I have no idea how it is going but I am enjoying it, the same as I enjoy this blog, just typing out what is ready to come out of my head, good or bad….

I had a DM on Twitter a couple of days ago asking me to write something for an American website, which I did and have emailed it over to them. I have been advised it will be published on Monday which is one of their busiest days for activity on their site, when I see it actually on the site I will be posting lots of links 🙂 . I haven’t read it since I wrote it, apart from the 72 times I reread it while I was typing it, so I am both excited and nervous about what I wrote. Did I write that? Did I write this? How did I say that? Should I have said that? But in the end, it is written, they have it and I wouldn’t want to rewrite if I could because “it is what it is” and “what will be will be”.

This is a very short post compared to most of my previous ones, but when I come to look back on it I think it will mean a lot to me, I hope it means something to you?

Keep smiling 🙂

 

Dog with 2 dicks

“Happy as a dog with two dicks”
“A phrase used when a great sense of self achievement has been reached, or one is seriously happy.
That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for mankind. I tell you, I’m as happy as a dog with two dicks me.”
Neil Armstrong, 21st July 1969
I have been fortunate to meet (all be it virtually!) some awesome people through my blog. Unfortunately I let one of these people down, I hope to rectify that at some point. One of the people I have met via this blog and Twitter is @VeronicaValli she is awesome!! Now, I have to say I thought I might of ended our friendship very quickly when I questioned if the answer to a question she was posing was actually in the blog post… but I have said before my policy is honesty “If I can’t be honest I wont say anything at all” (and trust me for a former salesman that ain’t easy!!). Veronica was very gracious and took no offense, which I think is very important… Agree or disagree there is no one solution to any issue, there are always options…..
I could decide to walk up to the shop forwards or I could walk backwards I would still get to the shop….. walking backwards might be a bit more difficult and more dangerous but chances are I will still get there…..
(as an aside I went to my local  shop recently dressed like a badly dressed homeless person (sorry), none of my family enjoyed it, my nephew described me as “a div” and someone very key to my current positive frame of mind made me promise I will never use the photos again! I got some funny looks and I can imagine people thinking “how come they’ve let him out” but you know what I enjoyed it, I believe it empowered me to cope with paranoia moments in the future “Whats the worst that could happen?”)
To regular readers it wont be a surprise I have gone off subject a bit! The point of mentioning Veronica, I tweeted today “This is a MUST READ…..” and it is, I promise you. Veronica knows I cant agree with everything she writes, partly on this subject because I don’t have “faith” and I don’t understand “spirituality” both of those words scare me, if they scare you and you think like me “i’m not into all that hippy bollox” you are wrong my friend, I am wrong (i’m not but I am??) read it and take from it what helps you…. I have…. Thank you Veronica :).
Ok, “Dog with 2 dicks”….. Why?….. Today has been a goooooood day for various reasons, one of them I cant talk about, others I wont talk about and of course I ain’t gunna bother thinking too much about “WHY?” because it is wasted energy, the real answers are “Who Knows!” “It is what it is” “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” “Live in the moment”
But I will list a couple: –
  • The other day I took my nephew to Martial Arts, he was awesome!, on the way back we had “Eat, sleep, rave, repeat” on very loud in the car, the rules are after the lady finishes her part you have to go bonkers…… 🙂 (I have no problem with that, lol). Today I pulled up to my Dads house and the Sis pulled up along side me with my 2 nephews and 2 other sprogs, they were all bouncing up and down like nutters 🙂 . I had to get me some of that action, so I walked down the road with “Eat, sleep, rave, repeat” playing on my phone. As I got close my younger nephew ran up to me and gave me a high 5 (“Gem” moment),  I carried on walking down and when I got to the older nephew we waited as the song got to the bonkers bit…. Sis and the other sprogs stood there looking at us in puzzlement. Then it came “Bonkers time” which led to a 40 year old mentalist (sorry) and a 9 year old jumping up and down sort of head banging, in a respectable road as well!! (needless to say he had better rhythm than me, but hey ho I can eat more than him and always will be able to (Ollie ;-p ).
  • I received a DM today on Facebook (I have taken some private stuff about others out) : – 

“…Crikey you have a wasted talent for writing!… Your blogs are compelling reading and you have a real talent for reaching people. Please consider when you are well and strong (it will happen, believe that) please please consider writing your experiences or even deviate and write some dark violent northern tale, but either way, you should know you have a talent… It’s something to think about… But writing doesn’t need an office, you don’t need to travel and until your established, there’s no deadline! Please consider or at least keep my idea at the back of your mind!!.., Keep going big guy! I have every faith in your abilities and look forward to one day, downloading you on my kindle!”

What can I say to that?…… OOF!! I have started my book (might be delusional but “it is what is is”). This DM tipped me over, about 10 people now have said the same thing about me writing a book….. So lets do it, hopefully it will help people understand Mental Illness and Alcoholism from an extremely honest point of view, my point of view will be disagreed with in many circles but, there is no one solution to any issue (and everyone is allowed to have views and opinions as long as they agree with mine!)… and I have to show this tweet again: –
junction project 

  • I’ve had a couple of private conversations on Facebook today one of which has left me speechless, seriously that doesn’t happen often, if at all, but i’m speechless and numbed with happiness 🙂 .

Sorry, there is still more I need to say today…….

Even through my Mental Illness I am happy, I mean no disrespect to anyone when I say this, my lack of happiness has never been down to other people it has been down to me. I have now let go and am addressing something I have hidden as best I could for 20 years, people have known for this amount of time that I suffer with depression but so many people do these days. I think I always knew it was more than just depression (I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, I find it hard when people say they are depressed because there football team has lost and other things like that, I especially found it hard when a “famous” doctor (fucking jumped up arrogant book monkey!!) tweeted something along the lines of “Is there a medical term for the depression and desperation felt when you come to the end of a box set “ My reply was “for a doctor I think this comment is disgusting, basically making light of mental illness, did u learn that from a book?” He then was happy to let his followers attack me and carry on with his arrogant bullshit!)

Nearly finished I promise…..Watch Cyberbully (2015) Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I recently decided to try and keep my Facebook page separate from this blog and Twitter for a couple of VERY IMPORTANT reasons but I was persuaded tonight to keep things as they were. I did this in part due to possible future #stigma after all I am an alcoholic with mental health issues, not a very good prospect for the future, alcoholics fall off the wagon all the time and the mentally ill are dangerous…… Bollox I was more dangerous when I hid it all, having it all out in the open (maybe a bit too open sometimes!) makes me no risk at all because I am honest and selfish enough to say “i’m feeling a bit yampy i’m gunna leave or go for a walk or have a kip”. Lets just flip back to my earlier “empowerment” “What’s the worst that could happen?”. Sometimes I can’t handle being around people, sometimes I feel people are laughing at me, sometimes I feel people are judging me. I don’t know why and it happens a lot less now, all I do is remove myself from the situation, simple, keep adapting and reevaluating, be honest with yourself and others and you will find some happiness and serenity. Veronica has serenity, i’m working my way towards it, if I had followed Veronica’s path maybe I would now have serenity, but all the shit of the nearly 11 years since I gave the booze up has been hard and has made me ill, it has also made me the man I am today, the man who receives DM’s like the one above, the man that school friends I haven’t seen for 25 years say they are proud of me, the man that a number of people have said is inspirational, that’s got to get you thinking (especially you Alex!), surely that has you thinking?

New readers may be thinking wheres this Black Country Yam Yam numpty got the word “serenity” from, Google “The Serenity Prayer” or as I prefer to call it “The Serenity Thingy” I just drop the first “G” word :-/ . This thingy has got me through a lot of scrapes!!!! (i’d say other search engines are available but lets be honest there aren’t!).

And now I am going to become an Author (lol) I have no choice but to get me one of them iPad things, it’s the law….. Any sponsors for this essential equipment are most welcome 🙂 .

“It is what it is”

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

“Live in the moment”

“exboozehound – 1973 – 2003 – 2013”

#timetotype

“Share me, Tweet me, RT me, but please don’t mistreat me” (well… it depends on your definition of mistreat really….. mmmmm”)

Keep Smiling 🙂

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Today has been a day…

Sorry me again……….

Before I start I have registered a new hash-tag #timetotype it is important to talk and get our feelings and thoughts out there but a lot of the time these days we don’t actually talk we type, we type via social media, hence #timetotype.

Today has been a day… I had many things planned today and I did very few of them. This morning I went to a meeting called “Coffee and Cope” organised by an organisation called Rethink check out there website, they are very good! I apologised a number of times during the meeting as I didn’t appear to be able to stop my gob moving, it was moving in a positive way but perhaps moving a little too much. The others there seemed happy enough and were very kind about me, in particular my new mate Rog, he said some things to me that moved me a lot, thank you Rog 🙂 . The positivity wasn’t faked like it has been in the past it was natural 🙂 .

After the meeting I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen for a good while, we spoke a bit about there fantastic news and a bit about my not so good experiences over recent months, but I was still positive about the negativity and I was really happy to here there news!!! I then wondered around the town a bit and started to feel a bit shite, so I ditched my plans and went back home for a bit of a kip. Before I began to feel shite I had the pleasure of being approached by a well know telecomms company about there broadband, the conversation went a little like this: –

Them: Can I ask who your broadband is currently with?

Me: None of your business.

Them: ok, can I ask how much you are currently paying a month for it?

Me: You can ask. but I wont tell you… what I will say is my old man pays for it so I don’t really care.

Them: Ha Ha (nervously 🙂 ) Have you ever considered… (I best not name them so lets just call them “Con Monkey’s”) …Con Monkey’s?

Me: Nope, I have experienced Con Monkey’s service and to be honest they would have to pay me to take their broadband.

Them: That can depend on the area, we always check to make sure you can get the sort of coverage and service you require.

Me: Do you, that’s very good of you…

Them: (with a look of defeat) Well thank you for your time today.

Me: Thank you for yours as well, have a good day now… I walked away with a very pleasant feeling 🙂 .

I wasn’t rude, I had a smile on my face during the conversation.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want to demonstrate how I can go from feeling great to feeling shite in a very short period of time for absolutely no apparent reason. I don’t worry about the why because I don’t think it can be answered and of course “it is what it is”.

I got back home and had a bit of a kip, only for about 40 minutes but that’s the way it goes these days, sleep is not really my area of expertise. I had something really cool I was going to be doing later on and that was to take my nephew to Martial Arts, I was looking forward to that a lot!! I worried a little about it and as I was getting ready I nearly bottled it, but i’d had a text of my Sis earlier to say he was really excited I was taking him. So I strapped on a pair and away we went, he’s a good kid we had a good chat on the way there, probably some inappropriate chat, but I have promised both of my nephews I would always be there for them and always willing to be a bad influence. I watched him doing his stuff for about half an hour and I was so proud, he was the best there by a long long way, that’s not me being a bias Uncle, he has started at a new dojo recently so has had to start from the beginning. He is already belted up in Karate and Kick Boxing, I think this one is called Mixed Martial Arts, he was awesome!!!!! On the way back we played music extremely loudly and bounced up and down like nutters 🙂 . I played a couple of tunes he wanted and then I introduced him to a bit of Linkin Park, which went down well 🙂 .

The point of telling you this is?? If I hadn’t strapped on a pair I wouldn’t now have that “Gem” moment in my life….. It is sometimes really really hard to do very simple things but it can be so worth the effort. If you find something really hard to do sometimes you may have to back off but if you can, give it a go….. what’s the worst that could happen???

Why is the post titled “Today has been a day…”? Because it has been good, it has been bad, it has been scary, it has been exciting, it has been long, it has been short, it has been disappointing, it has been satisfying, it has been lonely, it has been full of people, it has been so many things but in the end it has just been a day.

I have a funeral to go to on Wednesday and I wish I had someone to go along with me but I don’t and if people offered I would probably say no, who knows? Of course I have started to worry it is going to trigger something in me…… But worrying about what might happen is not the way I roll these days, as I said in the last post one of my new motto’s is “Live in the moment” so I am going to stop worrying because if I worry myself out of it and don’t go I will regret it, it won’t be easy and may be very very difficult but at this point I’m not thinking about it anymore…… “Thinking is overrated”.

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype

Words are powerful to me

I would never class myself as a wordsmith, in fact if I ever use a word of a certain intelligence level I have to pause to see if people react differently to expected in case I have used the wrong word. I have insulted a lot of people when I have been trying to sound intelligent.

However words are powerful, for a while now I have been in sales, of different sorts, and I believe a single word can make the difference to getting a sale/appointment or not. I don’t think this needs explanation on here, but I can’t help saying that I had a cold call today from an investment company and the person on the other end of the phone wouldn’t know a positive telephone approach if it smacked them in the face!!!!

So the point of this post, I posted this on Face Book today: –

live in the moment

 

I honestly believe these motto’s have kept me going and ultimately kept me alive, I think I came up with “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” I don’t remember reading it elsewhere so I am going to make a claim to it, I know the other 2 motto’s are from elsewhere but they work for me. I seem to remember commenting recently something along the lines of “recovery from alcoholism and mental health is as complicated as you make it” I definitely remember not agreeing with myself immediately, but there is something in it: –

“It is what it is” for me I cant change the fact I have a bad day then 2 good days then perhaps 3 up and down days, but since I decided to just accept these days change for many reason and I will never answer the specific reason, perhaps because there isn’t one. So “It is what it is”.

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” for me this is just about going with it, sometimes I would find myself feeling guilty for having a good day or a good couple of hours so it would make ill again. I know I am going to have times when I am bouncing off the walls or doing manic ridiculously out of order, scary stuff (FJ&SJ, that’s a private thought but I wanted to mark it in black and white) so I just have to deal with those how ever I can. And now when the good things happen I enjoy them and don’t feel guilty about it (Guilt is a waste of time and energy!!!!). (as and aside if you Google “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” this blog shows up on the first page :)).

“Live in the moment” we all know what this means, life can be complicated for many reasons but if we don’t concentrate on the now and enjoy what we can what is the point? I have heard this phrase a thousand times but it was said to me last night and it finally made sense!!!!!

“Words are powerful to me” because they work as a “trigger” in reverse, I know what these words mean and I know what I have to do (sometimes I cant do what I have to do but “It is what it is”), Maybe they are just a distraction technique, perhaps they are a placebo effect, perhaps this time next week these motto’s will no longer help, but today they do and that’s all that really matters.

*Disclaimer – I am a hypocrite because I have things in my mind that I want to happen, but if I spend all my time trying to make them happen exactly the way I want I’m not going to have time to enjoy what is happening and whatever has happened before I can’t change. The things that I want to happen are very new things for me so i’m gunna enjoy then as much as I possibly can and gather together as many “Gem” moments as possible :).

I know there were other points I wanted to make in this post but I cant remember them at the moment……

I had a very proud moment the other day by promoting this blog on Twitter as much as I could my Followers increased massively and I got an awful lot of RT’s and Favourites. One of my favourites was a fantastic description of me and my blog: –

junction project

In a Twitter conversation with @unsuicide I suggested a campaign called “Time to Type” and it was suggested I setup a Hashtag, this I had to Google and I have now setup #timetotype. Talking is important but how often do we talk today, we type a lot more! So if you get chance please use #timetotype.

And for now… last but definitely not least thank you to all that have followed, replied, RT’d, Favourited etc over the last couple of days, please keep doing it. If you like what I say/type please let me know and if you disagree let me know as well!!

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype

 

A Bit Cheeky

Last night and this morning my Tweets total has gone from 1024 to 1172, I tweeted anyone I follow and anyone who follows me (apart from those that have already RT’d me) with this: –

RT

Yes it was a bit cheeky and could be considered as a bit spamish, but I was polite, I am overwhelmed with the response. My followers increased from 50 to 65, not big numbers yet but that’s an increase of 30%, my Connect page was awesome RT’s, Reply’s, Favourites and new Followers all over the shop, including some famous people………… Bostin ay it!!

I have tried to Tweet “Thank You” to everyone and have Followed the new Followers, I have tweeted an apology for anyone I’ve missed, blaming my “stupidity” as my excuse. I’m not actually stupid, perhaps academically stupid but I have a certain level of intelligence. The real excuse for missing anyone will be my complete inability to concentration for long periods of time (long periods being more than 5 minutes!), lack of concentration is a symptom of mental illness, I have now begun to wonder if my poor academic achievements are also down to mental illness, well I say “I have now begun to wonder…” in fact my wondering has stopped because it doesn’t matter….. cant change it move on.

I class myself as “Intellectually Challenged” and I’m happy with that 🙂

I’m not going to rant and rave today because today is a positive day all I’m going to say is Recovery from Alcoholism or Mental Illness (in my opinion!) is as complicated as you make it. You probably disagree and I will probably disagree with me when I read this back in the future but, I got off the booze because of Bupa they paid for my month at the Woodbourne Priory Birmingham. I’m pretty sure I would not have been able to do it with AA or Aquarius I had to be taken out of the real world and concentrate on one thing. In February I will be 11 years sober, I am and always will be an alcoholic, I still miss the booze but in the end not drinking was pretty “uncomplicated” (that’s not true but lets go with it). I basically got Step 1: –

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

My Mental Illness recovery is still on going, but I have come a very long way!! I took a backwards step over the last week or so but oddly I’m happy about this because it has made me realise I’m not as stable as I thought so need to reevaluate. However I find my recovery easier to deal with when I keep it “uncomplicated” and I do this with a couple of “uncomplicated” motto’s: –

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

“It is what it is”

I’m sure there are others but I cant remember them at the moment (told you “Intellectually Challenged”), if there are others they will be on this blog somewhere.

I have a long way to go to return to “Normality” (“return to” is a bit strong as I’ve never been a “Normal”!) but I know I am better than I have ever been, I have feelings now, I now know I can feel. I am better than I have ever been because finally I am addressing it and not just trying to hide and ignore it.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

That’ll do for today…..

Keep Smiling 🙂

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Whats the point?

The title of this post may seem negative but I promise you it isn’t!!!

The questions is about whats the point of this blog and the answer is it varies depending on where my noggin is on that day. On the first page of this blog “About Me” there is a paragraph that goes like this: –

“I have started this blog to share my experiences, good and bad. I am going to be completely honest and I guarantee I will contradict myself from time to time.”

On my “Intro Post” I wrote a number of disclaimers. I hadn’t planned to swear quite as much as I have, I have used *’s a lot but I have left someone of the swears pure. If you saw my recent attempt at poetry (lol) you will know swearing is actually cool!!! 

Remember you need to rhythm to “Santa Claus you c**t” in your head to read it correctly…..

depression you cunt

 

I have stated my views on the NHS most of them negative, justifiably!!, but I always speak positively about NHS staffl. Yesterday I needed to call a crisis line for help, I’ve had poor experiences with these lines before. I believe that most of us are happy to complain but don’t give credit where credit is due enough, I try to do both, recently I had an on-line conversation, I am very happy with the deal I squeezed out of them but complimented the person on their sales skills, sorry customer service skills (?!?!) and when I received a “satisfaction survey” I went to town with praise for their operative “Nicola”. So “Marie” credit where credit is due, you were fantastic yesterday when you called me back from the crisis line, (yes you had to call me back because when I first tried to call the line it was engaged twice….) you are another example of brilliant, caring and knowledgeable NHS staff, Thank you!

So, “Whats the point?” of this blog, I still don’t know but I do know what I want the point to be…….

Honestly I want to help me but more importantly I want to help others, I want to make a difference. I can’t get back the 20 years of my life I have wasted with booze and mental illness but I can do something to help others not waste years of their lives. I have destroyed so many things in the past and the present and this is where my destructive tendencies stop!!!

I need to raise the profile of this site and I need YOUR help, I guess admitting you read this blog is embarrassing but so many of you have complimented me on my “honesty and openness” in private. You could be reading this blog because you have a loved one with booze or mental health issues nobody needs to know why you are reading this BUT PLEASE TELL PEOPLE. I have used my family connection to @BillyIdol, he RT’d me and I gained some followers from Australia, America, Canada and the UK. Please please follow me on Twitter and invite others to follow me, please RT me. Please like and share my blog posts on Facebook, I know there are people out there that read the blog but have never liked or shared a link. If you know or are related to anyone influential be it just mouthy or famous please get them to follow and RT me on Twitter. You can subscribe to receive posts by email but it doesn’t always work so Twitter is the place WE need to concentrate on.

If you are embarrassed about reading my blog I understand if you have to tweet something like “@exboozehound lol this bloke is proper mad as a bucket of frogs #bonkers” that’s cool.

Thank you in anticipation for your help, yam all bostin!!!

Tweet, Re-tweet, Favourite, Reply, Share, Like, Comment and of course Keep Smiling 🙂