Tag: Memoir/Book

Look at me

It’s been said to me before that I only created exboozehound for attention, wrong!!!! but I can understand why people thought that. I was constantly putting stuff on Face Book and Twitter on the subject of my suffering, which could quite easily seem a bit “woe is me”. I openly admit to using Face Book and Twitter as therapy and I’m definitely guilty of wanting people’s support by way of comments to help me feel better about me. Someone said to me a couple of weeks ago that they found it odd that I still keep reposting stuff about mental illness and depression now I’m a lot better and on the right track, my response to that hopefully confirms to people that I didn’t create exboozehound for attention and although this will come across a little “ooohhhh look at me I’m awesome” exboozehound was created because I wanted to make a difference. I continue to repost stuff about mental illness and depression when they make sense and strike a chord with me, because if they strike a chord with me then chances are they will strike a chord with others who are suffering.

Oof!! that does come across very “ooohhhh look at me….” but to be honest I really don’t care, people who actually know me will know it’s not about me, it’s about trying to make a difference, how ever small. There is still far too much shame and stigma around mental illness, there is still far too many people suffering in silence unable to ask for help and take it from me if you don’t ask for help eventually your noggin will explode and once that explosion has happened it’s a fucking long way back!!!!

The exboozehound blog was started just over a year ago, (my About Me page was published on the 24th October) whilst in a desperately depressed state considering suicide on a daily basis I found a memoir written by an Australian called Daniel Baker and whilst reading it I started to notice a lot of the things he had written, thought and experienced were very similar to my thoughts and experiences, it made me feel I wasn’t actually “mad” (debatable, lol) or completely on my own, I was just un well…. Reading that memoir really helped reignite my fight, the fight against mental illness completely and utterly destroying me. It then came to me that if a complete strangers words could do so much good for me that maybe my words could do the same for others. Very quickly after starting the blog I started to receive comments about how my words helped make sense of the madness in people’s noggins and how I used words to describe my pain that their loved ones had used. For me the beauty of this is that the more we talk and the more honest we are the more people will realise they are not alone, they are not weird and if there is something telling you “there’s something not quite right about me” you could very well be right but whatever it is that’s not quite right there will be people out there who can help and probably just as important it’s nothing to be ashamed of if you might be a bit different and not “normal”….

What’s “normal” anyway?

Who wants to be “normal”? Not me!!!!

Someone once said to me you seem “normal”…. I’ve never been so insulted in my life!!!!

We are all individual, life would be very dull if we were all the same and if our individualities are good, bad or ugly it doesn’t matter our individualities are what makes us who we are. It’s frowned upon to say “my mental illness is me”, but I don’t see why, for that to be a negative statement we have to believe that EVERYTHING about our mental illness ways is negative and it just isn’t!!!! There’s a lot of positive traits that mental illness has a hand in, my mental illness and probably alcoholism made me a good sales man because I was able to use my unbelievably strong manipulation skills to make sales happen, these same skills were very useful for my last job role as an account manager. Mental Illness made me think differently and do things differently and when you are different you stand out for good reasons as well as bad reasons. I used to joke a lot about being “anal” about details and things being right, for me that’s a bit of OCD that makes me strive for perfection (positive and dangerous). My mental illness fuelled noggin spent years and years telling me I was a useless waste of space so I had to try harder and harder not to believe that and achieve something to prove it wasn’t right and after all that exhausting effort unfortunately I never actually achieved anything….

When I say I’ve never achieved anything people tend to remind me that being a retired alcoholic is an achievement, not to drink the glorious liquid that I love so much, the liquid that made me feel amazing, that basically made me feel like a person and drowned out the shite going on in my mind, booze to me was everything, NOTHING else really mattered, if I wasn’t drinking it I was thinking about drinking it and getting to that place of complete euphoria and peace also well known as being completely and utterly shit faced!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmm, Doh!! I no longer have that option, booze can no longer be my saviour, booze can no longer be my place of freedom and hasn’t been for over 11 years, I still miss it but I know I cannot control booze it controls me. So is giving up the booze a real achievement, I guess now it is, it has some meaning because being a soba alcoholic is another huge part of what I am…. So in conclusion I am basically made up of 2 horrible, horrendous, appalling illnesses that can and do kill on a regular basis, being alive and being me (whoever that is) is an achievement in itself…. More often than not things in my life a pretty good, I don’t have an awful lot of stress as I have pretty much no responsibilities these days, I’m on a good track, I’m on a level and I’m fairly stable….

Mind you to achieve that good track, levelness and stability I have to take 300mgs of medication a day…. Who gives a fuck, I’d stand in a bucket of custard, naked and painted pink if it kept me away from the place I was a year ago…. (Obvs I would only do this in the summer when it’s a bit warmer….)

No matter how horrendous life gets it can and WILL get better if you are honest with yourself and those around you, ask for help, demand help, be patient cus help doesn’t tend to come very quickly, keep using that help, and keep being honest and open about the you that is you and not the you you think you should be. We are all individuals and being that individual honestly is very very important cus if you keep wasting energy covering up and hiding what is making you individual you will never make any progress in life and not just conventional life but deep down real life….

So, back to the title “Look at me”….

Attention seeking for me is definitely not what exboozehound is about, getting attention for the subjects of mental illness and alcoholism is what it’s about, both of these illnesses cause an horrendous amount of pain to many many more people than we would ever believe. They are illnesses just like any physical illness some people have them and some people don’t.

It’s starting to feel like exboozehound is starting to achieving something, ONE person can make a difference. But even though exboozehound was started and created by just one person exboozehound isn’t just one person, exboozehound is you and anyone else that has ever read any of the nonsense I write, exboozehound is anyone who’s had the courage to leave a comment on my blog, exboozehound is anyone who has favourited, retweeted or replied to anything I’ve ever tweeted on Twitter, exboozehound is anyone who has liked, shared or commented on anything I’ve ever posted on Face Book, exboozehound is anyone who has purchased and read my book erm memoir erm Thingymajig on Amazon (still available at a relatively reasonable price, and has a couple of five star reviews….)

I’m proud of what exboozehound is starting to achieve, I am proud of what ALL of you have done to help that progress and this week that progress includes….

Monday – met with someone with things that are troubling in their life and shared my experiences, beliefs and theories on how to deal with there troubles.

Wednesday – attended a meeting run by Dudley Council to discuss Adult Social Care and agreed to join a “people’s network” to put my money where my mouth is and invest time in building that network to benefit all that need help for whatever reason.watch full movie Aardvark onlinefilm Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 2002 trailer

Thursday – met with Governance International, discussed and agreed for me to get involved in their work bringing people together to work towards improving mental health care. I came away with a remit of organising a co-production meeting hosted in Dudley, to invite various people and organisations I have had contact with during my recovery.

And throughout the week I have had various messages telling me that what exboozehound does has a positive effect on their lives…. Wow!!!!

Yes this IS all a bit “look at me” but it’s also “look at you” cus exboozehound wouldn’t be doing what it was without your support and input….

YOU’RE ALL FUCKING AMAZING AND I HOPE YOU ARE AS PROUD AS I AM!!!!

Watch this space, exboozehound is going places, jump on board now while there’s still room….

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)

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//

Someone said to me….

Sometimes our eyes see things that aren’t real, we make judgements based on a quick glance, those judgements can be spot on but they can also be way off. Life isn’t an exact science and really we shouldn’t make judgements about people if we don’t know the full story, but do we ever know the full story even of those people we are really close to? I think the answer to that is NO, we are all here to get on with our lives and make the most of it but most of us, I think, do and say things to fit in with what’s expected of us in “normal” life….

I have a feeling this post ain’t gunna make any sense…. Hey Ho, it is what it is, life doesn’t make any sense…. When I asked a couple of people to read my book (lol), memoir (cringe), Thingymajig (that’s better) they said it was very hard to read at times and seemed to jump back and forth, I took this as a compliment cus that’s the way my noggin works, it’s probably the way your noggin works as well wether you are a “normal” or a “mentalist” the only difference being us mentalists seem to pay more attention to the perceived weirdness going on in our noggins and you normals just seem to take in your stride and accept things…. Hold up, I have a feeling I’ve just made a judgement based on no evidence at all….

Why did I start this post?

Someone said to me the other day “you have a relaxing life just wondering about in the sun”, now this is just a comment, it probably isn’t a judgement it’s just words, we laughed about it and I replied “it’s one of the benefits of being a documented mentalist….”. You see I haven’t been at work, since June 2013 and over the last few months we’ve had fairly good weather, so I do “wonder about in the sun” I’m sure it looks very relaxing, I’ve got a decent sun tan (although it’s fading now 🙁 ) and 99% of the time I’m wearing shorts, tshirt and sunglasses (I’ve got sensitive eyes…) and it is fairly relaxing…. However it’s not all that it seems, cus a lot of the time I’m wondering about in the sun as a sort of coping mechanism. Being out of work I’m broke, the benefits I receive amount to next to nothing, as soon as I get them they are spent, gobbled up by my overdraft so I haven’t got spare cash to go off and do exciting things, I haven’t got the cash to put diesel in my knackered old Y reg Astra, don’t get me wrong I’m not saying this to get sympathy, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy I’m just telling you the facts. I spend a considerable amount of time wondering about a bit and drinking tea in a boozer. Wondering about a bit stops me festering at home (which ain’t my own home) and drinking tea in a boozer gives me people to talk to. A lot of these people I’ve only just got to know, most of them know I’m a mentalist alcoholic (retired) and a couple of them call me “Earl Grey” cus I drink it, not cus I’m posh, I ay posh!!!!

Are you bored of this post, I’m getting that way….

I’ve gone on a bit with some background stuff, there is something I really wanted to say with this post but I’m just not sure how to say it, so I think I’ll just waffle on for a bit and see if you can work it out….

Here’s a small list of things people have said to me lately….Watch All Girls Weekend (2016) Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

“you have a relaxing life just wondering about in the sun”
on the surface this is very true, but I’ve spent over 20 years fighting against mental illness and alcoholism trying to hide it and get on with “normal life” which lead to me having a mental breakdown in June 2013. In June 2013 I was very unrelaxed, sitting on my bed rocking backwards and forward, shaking, sweating, believing my life was over and the best thing I could do now is strap on a pair and end my life….

“I like Jon he’s really calm”
all of the above again…. I am calm most of the time, but if I’m not calm I’m shut away at home (not my own home) struggling to control the thoughts in my head and sometimes my physical reactions. I’m calm these days cus I’ve got to know me and I’m 100% honest with myself and those around me. Part of my calmness is down to what I have learnt from people via this blog and speaking with people about how they cope or how they don’t cope and if I’m honest, which is am, Mindfulness has helped a lot. I’m fine as long as I put effort into staying in the day, and thinking as little as possible….

“You’re a good listener as well”
Although I do tend to talk a lot, I do spend an awful amount of time listening. The lady that said this to me (via Twitter) is a lady called Julie Christie (@juliechristie1) I was fortunate enough to meet Julie at a meeting a few months ago at Aston University, she spoke about her work with dementia and if I had to describe her with one word it would be “inspiring”…. During this meeting I did my usual thing of being very vocal and I was very pleased to see that by the time I got home Julie was following me on Twitter, I’m hoping to catch up with her later in the year and learn from her approach. For me being a good listener is important, we may not agree with everything others say but we can learn from them and get a better understanding of how things work….

“We have 2 ears and one mouth which is a good ratio we should stick to”

“There’s something about you that draws people to you”
I think that’s purely my honesty and openness, I see my mental breakdown last year as a positive thing, it forced me to have a long hard look at myself to try to understand why I am where I am. I think one of the things I have been doing since June 2013 is “finding myself” poncy words, yes, but I don’t have a choice cus I’ve spent so long lying to everyone around me and lying to myself that I don’t really know who I am. I’ve spent so long suppressing feelings that I don’t really understand feelings. I’ve spent so long hating who I am not actually knowing who I am and why I hate me. I’ve spent so long living with Jon and “Jon” I’m a little fucked up. I used to get confused by the fact that people seemed to like me, I still am, were people really liking the “front” I created to enable me to get on with life and be bloody good at my job? Everyone at some point has to put a front on to get through certain days and situations, not swearing like a trooper in front of your Nan is basically putting a front on, I still have to front things out, everybody does, but I’m starting to think the “Front” I put on is the real me, or it is, does it matter, am I over thinking again???? I hope there is something about me that draws people to me that would be awesome 🙂

“You are meant to do something good with exboozehound”
This was amazing to hear, cus I’ve thought this for a while but my noggin demon always tells me I’m being delusional and nothing good will ever come from anything I do, but if I sit back and have a little think about it, good things are starting to happen. I get messages from all over the world about how my blog helps people, I’ve had a number of guest bloggers and there are more to come, I’m getting involved with Health Watch Dudley, I’m speaking with Dudley CVS about setting up a community interest company called Zorbsagogo (it’s on Face Book), I’m talking with a local company about selling some of my photographs in the name of exboozehound to donate money to charity, I’ve wrote for a couple of websites (www.mensdepression.org and www.anxietyunited.co.uk ), I’ve wrote something that hasn’t been published yet for www.govint.org , I’m speaking with a company about setting up my own support group and counselling sessions (no I haven’t got qualifications and certificates but I’ve got quite a lot of experience!!!). So, even though my noggin demon tells me I’ll never amount to anything I know it’s wrong cus I already am amounting to something and even without the things listed above I’m having a go, I’m keeping going, I’m getting my daily wins :).

“You’ll end up on the Wright Stuff you will”
I know this was a flippant comment, but it came from me telling someone about the various things listed above, all I can say is if this comes true I would be chuffed to bits because right from the start of this blog one of the things I wanted to do was make a difference…. Show people there is nothing to be ashamed of in having a mental illness. I want to find a way of describing just how terribly desperate I was in June 2013, how I KNEW my life was over and the only answer was suicide and how I KNOW now how very wrong I was…. VERY VERY WRONG!!!! I met someone last week that works in care and they said some words that I have heard quite a few times before and from my experience I know to be true….

“the mental health side of the NHS is at crisis point, the way people are left to suffer is an absolute disgrace….”

I’ve said it many times before and I have to say it again because I am thankful to the many many amazing people who work in the mental health side of the NHS, they are truly amazing, caring, very talented people. But I will state again that the time it took to get me into the “system” very nearly killed me through absolute desperation….

“One thing you are definitely not is a loser….”
I posted this on Face Book the other day and got the above message for a friend who I’ve been speaking with about various issues through this blog….

image

I am a loser in conventional terms, no job, no house, no kids, no money, on benefits etc…. But I really don’t give a shit about conventional terms, my mental breakdown ensured I probably won’t ever live a conventional life again. I receive a lot of messages behind the scenes on how my blog, my words and the words of my guest bloggers help people with mental illness and addiction issues understand they are never alone and never will be. I’ve also received messages from people without mental illness and addiction issues saying it’s helped them understand a loved one better…. These messages help me believe I’m not a loser and keep me going on, so thank you XX.

Right I’m almost at 2000 words and I’m fairly sure I haven’t made a point in this post…. If you’ve made it this far and not fallen asleep or got extremely bored, if you can find a point to this post I’d love to know what it is so drop me a comment….

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)

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Mental Pain is REAL Pain

G’day all, I’m not going to post a link to this post on FB or Twitter cus it’s for you guys who come here without prompting, love ya all x

My memoir is ready, I decided the other day writing it was making me ill, along with the fact that the NHS are still “inserting an item into an orifice and moving it swiftly (or sensually depending on your preference 😉 ) in and out, whilst bending me over a table” (look at that, no swears 🙂 ).

Credit where credit is due though, Mindfulness is awesome…. But, I feel like a lot of what I’m being taught I’ve worked out myself….. Probably a bit delusional but hey ho…. I know they are showing me how to use what I know already more effectively. I used it yesterday during the break at mindfulness, I spotted something I’d said/done was because I was becoming manic, so I sat down, held my head and tried to ground myself…..It didn’t work, but at least I spotted it and gave it a go 🙂 .     (don’t know if you read my blog but if you do you opened the security door for me, sorry x).

Anyway let’s do the truth bit….
I’m well but I’m not
I’m better but I’m not
I’m strong but I’m not
I get distracted and bored easily…. Blah, blah, blah….

I’m happy…. Yup I’m happy 🙂

More truth? Cor blimey you lot are demanding!!! I’ve been offered a number of money making opportunities connected with this blog, I’ve turned them all down….. I have 15 other websites I could easily link to this site and make money off (“easily” probably the wrong word eh Rich?!). However, I need to monetize “exboozehound” for many reasons including to finance my next tattoo and I have a friend with expensive tastes, lol (sorry).

So, I’m gunna self publish my Memoir…..
How? No idea!
Is this wise? Nope!
Will it sell? Doubt it!
What’s the point then? It’s better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you haven’t!!!!

Oh the post title….. I’m in a lot of pain…. But it ain’t nothing I can’t handle!!!!!

Twitter post from yesterday….

Sometimes I/U KNOW the pains 2 much 2 survive
ReevaluateAdaptChange
I/U survived b4
I/U will AGAIN!
#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4

The title of my memoir? (Memoir is such a poncy word!!)

The title of my thingamajig?

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

What else could the title be??????

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange




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I’ve been told today…..

I’ve been told today…..

Since my noggin doc appointment on Monday I haven’t been very well, partly through exhaustion (I know pathetic I don’t even work!!), partly through anger, partly through fear, partly through new meds (I like the new meds they make me feel very very relaxed, almost high 🙂 ).….

Let’s be honest there are many many reasons for me not being very well the main one being that I am mentally ill, so I’m gunna stop mulling it over in my noggin and I’m gunna blast a few things out randomly and then see what happens…..

I’ve been going down hill for weeks and fighting it
I’ve been getting frustrated with people (I now know that was me frustrated with me)
I’m scared what an actual diagnosis will do to my noggin
I’m scared I’ll never be able to work again
I’m scared I’ll never be “fixed”
I’m scared I don’t know who I am (cus I’ve not been me for so long I’ve been “Jon”)
I’m scared no one will ever be able to love me and trust me
I’m scared, I’m frightened, I’m pathetic, I’m not man enough

Oh yes and I’m feeling sorry for myself!!!!

Yes, I’ve been going down hill and fighting it because that’s what us mentalists do, we fight!
Yes, I’m frustrated at me, that’s good because I’m frustrated cus I know I’m better than this!
Who gives a shite about an actual diagnosis, book monkeys ain’t got a clue anyway!
Work, well if it comes to it and you can’t work again, fuck it, it is what it is!
Fixed, fixed doesn’t exist, everybody out there is bonkers they just don’t know it yet!
Who am I? I’m a good person, that’s all that matters!
If no one can trust and love me, then tough….. Shit happens!
Scared, no your not! Frightened, no your not! Pathetic, no your not! Man enough, yes you fucking are!

Right, that solves that…. Doesn’t it?

Nope!

I’m gunna feel a little sorry for myself for a bit, I won’t be smiling all the time, I might even keep my gob still for a bit and reflect or maybe I’ll #ReevaluateAdaptChange …. Again….

I have been told today that I need to concentrate on myself which I’m going to do.

The amazing person who told me this also said many other amazing things to me which I am going to keep to myself, all I will say is it was exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you, you have just stopped a Nutjob going into a full meltdown xx

Oddly I’ve had a couple of DM’s on Twitter today that have given me more fight and belief, I hope you will get something from them aswell….

Anon 1

I will RT your mission re: mental illness Xxxxxx You’re RockStar Jon, bravo!

Me
Thank you…. RockStar? I wish xx
How’s things your end? X

Anon 1
Things busy in NYC & I’m not fond of summer. Ok if not RockStar then Lord of Raomi Land (Raise awareness on mental illness) xxo

…that’s as witty as I get at 6:31 am NYC time…. Sorry I did not see your message until just now. Have a great day Jon.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

These words blew me away! How amazing for someone to take their time to say that to me!!

Anon 2

I normally hate it when people turn my stuff into “their stuff”, but I’m going to do exactly that here…
For the past 20 years ish I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks with nobody ever really knowing why, and tbh that was my own fault, I’ve spent time having different therapies – inc a month at the priory as an in-patient after a catatonic breakdown, and although it helped I still wasn’t “well”…
Last year again I was back on meds and I finally got regular weekly counselling on the NHS. I don’t know what was different about this counsellor, but after 20 years I was finally honest about everything. My ex husband had been abusive in the worst ways but the long mental abuse really fucked me up (lol)… anyway.. point is, that after only 16 sessions of nhs counselling I’m now a different person. I genuinely now believe that if you stick at it long enough eventually you will meet a healthcare professional who u will click with and who can get you to unlock all the crap. Don’t get me wrong it was hideous and the flashbacks and nightmares were awful BUT if a fucked up nightmare can be “cured” whilst having treatment for cancer, ANYONE can… before treatment I couldn’t even get hugs from my kids round my neck cause it would trigger flashbacks… now I can swing them round my head & shoulders without a worry! I even gave my ex a lift recently without a panic attack.
Keep asking for weekly sessions as tablets only mask what’s going on inside. You CAN get through anything, I can see how strong and determined you are, please just believe in yourself and that you WILL get there 🙂 xx

Me
You are amazing!!!
How do you feel about being quoted on my blog?
Understand if no
I think I’ve met my healthcare professional

Anon 2

I am very NOT amazing lol! Not sure what in my blethering is quotable, but sure lol!
I can see you’re a fighter and have faith in u s’all 🙂

All I can say is inspirational, and thank you x

Right so I’m gunna concentrate on myself for a couple of weeks see if I can get a few positive things moving forward, watch this space?

I need and it is a need not a want, I NEED more guest bloggers, new bloggers, return bloggers, mentalist bloggers, alcoholic bloggers (both active and retired), mentalists and alcoholics victims bloggers, “normal” bloggers etc etc. As I hope you know by now no subject is off the table!!!!

Some of you will be thinking “I wish I could write something, but I can’t” bollox to that yes you can, write something and send it to me…. I wrote something for a friend the other day and he wrote back and told me it was shite…. Well, that’s the point it might not be perfect but it’s what’s in your noggin at the time and what’s in your noggin is more than likely in someone else’s noggin and reading it will help them, writing it will help you so just bloody write it….

Sometimes we have to be told, I’ve been told today and now so have you….

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

oh and don’t forget my book

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//

Got something to say? Yes you have!!!

G’day hope you are all well or even well’ish……

I got a bit thorfull and emotional yesterday and posted a couple of things on Facebook, well if I’m honest I probably posted about 102 posts, think I might be a little addicted to FB and Twitter it’s almost as if I have an addictive personality….. Who’d of thunk it???

image

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I woke this morning about 5:30am and have been wide awake since then, I have the urge to write something but I’ve decided to keep my gob shut (fingers still) for a change and ask you guys for some more guest posts. There are NO subjects off limits so you can write whatever your heart and noggin wants to.

This will sound a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I don’t really care cus yes I am after attention I want attention for exboozehound so exboozehound can help more people…. Again that sounds a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I have had a lot of private messages saying I have helped people and the words of previous guest posters have helped people as well and we HAVE to keep talking or indeed typing about all this so that no “odd thought” or “mentalist feelings” are kept hidden away, if we hide them they destroy us!!!live streaming film King Arthur: Legend of the Sword online

I was told a new inspirational quote the other day by a new very talented friend and I wanted to share it….

image

Good’un ain’t it?!

Ok get your thinking cap on, strap on a pair and write me summit, something that will inspire people to work everyday to overcome their personal demons. If a proper numpty like me can do it you can do it as well!!!

Keep Going 😉

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#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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I hurt daily

Don’t worry I’m not after sympathy it’s just a fact…. Each and every day I feel pain, excruciating mental pain…. But every single last bit of that pain is worth it as the alternative is something I don’t think about these days!!!!

My whole life I have considered myself a failure, a loser, a waste of a human being, a useless c**t!!!!

I never found anything that I excelled at, I was pretty much shite at everything!!!!

I have now found what I am good at and that is BEING ME…. Who’d of thunk it??

If I never achieve anything else in life I know I have achieved something that money cannot buy…. I received a message (a while back) saying I stopped someone killing themselves and that my blog was one of the only things keeping them going….

Currently I am doing a lot of strange things and making decisions that people think are based on my mania…. A lot of them are…. One of them isn’t!!!!

I’ve purchased a watch today, that I can’t afford, but I wanted something special to remember this FANTASTIC and HORRENDOUS time of my life…. Something other that tattoos (soz Mom x) the next tattoo idea is almost ready to go, needs a little bit of tweaking and drawing properly but it will be something like this: –

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I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days pulling together the final draft of my “memoir” (that word sucks!), it’s 225 pages and I’m now going to look into self publishing, I have had some great advice already 🙂 . I think the title is going to be: –

@exboozehound – “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
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#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Just popping by to say hi…..

Hi all, I just wanted to pop back to say “hi”. I’m still trying to take a back seat for a while, because the last few weeks have made me quite unwell! I’m trying to concentrate (lol) on other stuff. Some of this stuff is exciting, terrifying, upsetting, emotional, unexpected, enjoyable, very very enjoyable 😉 , unbelievable, blowing my mind, frightening and confusing for others, going my way 🙂 , not going my way (but I understand!!) 🙁 . I think you get the picture????

I wanted to mention I have some more guest blogs coming up, one hopefully this week and then others to follow… A number of people from all different sides of the different stories have showed an interest and said they would do a post, you know who you are, so fingers crossed. If you would like to do a guest blog, please let me know 🙂 .

The next bit makes me feel like a bit of a tool, buy hey ho, if that hat fits wear the bastard….

I am writing a book…. (Numpty!!). In fact, I think it will be a memoir as I googled it and I can get away with 60000 words…. I have written 15000 words and asked someone who was very inspirational to me to read it. They have read it and given me some feedback. This person is pretty up front, in a good way, I know they wouldn’t give me any bollox and would tell me straight. I was blown away by the response, below is a few snippets of their feedback.

(Thank you C xx)….

“Just finished it…. …I made a cuppa and read your book. I’m saying book as I totally believe you will finish it and also believe that when you do, your ‘memoir’ will be a snippet of a life you are really about to live….”

“You want my honest opinion? Here goes….”

“I love your language, it’s your speak and makes your reader relate. Yeh there’s a few spellings here and there….”          (Pot/Kettle “yeh”)

“All in all it’s “punched me in the gob” and thank you so so much for allowing me to read it so far. Would I pay for it on kindle? Honestly? Yes”

I can’t follow that with useful words, so I won’t….

Catch you soon.

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype
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Going to print (sort of)

Yesterday I spent another 3 hours going through my “thingymajig” mainly formatting it but a bit of proof reading as well. Having to read it back destroyed me a bit and I have huge doubts about actually publishing it but I think today will be the day :-\

I think I’ve mentioned on here before that I hit 20000 words and then a couple of things smacked me in the fizog (face) and made me quite ill again, I realised that one of the things that was making me ill was writing the thingymajig and I needed to either publish it or forget it. I have pasted in the blog contents up to a certain date and although this might seem like a bit of a cheat I actually think it is ok for me to do this? I’ve set the price at £5 if I get bad feedback about the price I will reduce it (possibly). It’s not about the money for me, although cus I can’t work on the grounds of being a nut job I do need some cash, in the main it’s about other people asking me to do it and saying my words helped them and will help others. This might sound a bit delusional but I think my words can help people, actually I know they can because I have had a number of messages in private and in the open saying just this, this fills me with such pride….

Finally I have achieved something, finally I can feel like I have succeeded at something…. No it’s not what I always wanted to achieve, good job, big house, expensive cars and all that jazz but to have been told I stopped someone killing themselves is so much more worth while than all that shite!!!!

Saf made this comment a few days ago xxx

 APRIL 1, 2014

The world needs those memoirs! They will be on my book shelf. You forgot one other thing you are good at…helping others! You and your blog has reached out to others and made a difference! What if thats been ure destiny all along. Helluva price to pay I know but what u do matters. People need to hear the voice of the ‘patient’ its certainly improved my practice as a nurse in addictions and personally i know im not alone in dealing with whats in my head!

I have no words to respond properly to this….

I had a message on Twitter the other day simply saying “Thank you for cheering me up this morning” This filled me with a wonderful feeling and all I did was basically say “hi, how are you?”.

So as I’ve said before “thinking (thunking) is overrated” “Just do it” “it is what it is” “enjoy the good and ride out the bad” “strap on a pair”.

I have strapped on a pair and I’m ready to roll….

I think? :-\

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




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