Tag: NHS

I hurt daily

Don’t worry I’m not after sympathy it’s just a fact…. Each and every day I feel pain, excruciating mental pain…. But every single last bit of that pain is worth it as the alternative is something I don’t think about these days!!!!

My whole life I have considered myself a failure, a loser, a waste of a human being, a useless c**t!!!!

I never found anything that I excelled at, I was pretty much shite at everything!!!!

I have now found what I am good at and that is BEING ME…. Who’d of thunk it??

If I never achieve anything else in life I know I have achieved something that money cannot buy…. I received a message (a while back) saying I stopped someone killing themselves and that my blog was one of the only things keeping them going….

Currently I am doing a lot of strange things and making decisions that people think are based on my mania…. A lot of them are…. One of them isn’t!!!!

I’ve purchased a watch today, that I can’t afford, but I wanted something special to remember this FANTASTIC and HORRENDOUS time of my life…. Something other that tattoos (soz Mom x) the next tattoo idea is almost ready to go, needs a little bit of tweaking and drawing properly but it will be something like this: –

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I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days pulling together the final draft of my “memoir” (that word sucks!), it’s 225 pages and I’m now going to look into self publishing, I have had some great advice already 🙂 . I think the title is going to be: –

@exboozehound – “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Guest Post “Tribute to Jon”

Had to prefix the title with “Guest Post”. “Tribute to Jon”  is not a title I could use!! People would think “oooh look at him!!”
 (I couldn’t think of another way of saying that without some pretty unpleasant swear words…… and i’m trying to mature??)

Without further a do, here is a guest post from my Twitter buddy Alex, Peace Out Dude (double chest pump)

Tribute to Jon. Man who taught me the word Noggin (plus other things!!!)

I think Jon’s was the first blog I have ever followed. I think so. It was definitely one of the first 2 or 3, if not the first. I came into contact with him not long after I joined Twitter which I think was Dec 2013. I just noticed his blog from looking at the list of people another Twitter pal was following. I think I responded to a comment someone had made on his blog asking him to “man up” and “stop moaning”. I remember Jon handling that comment really well. I then read about his 10 years plus of being off the booze and I was hooked on his blog! That and the Twitter profile picture he had at the time that reminded me of Charles Bronson (the notorious convict) LOL.

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The old Twitter profile

I’m a student mental health nurse (first year). Jon doesn’t seem to mind me “representing” the NHS in some ways. He is often sounding off about the NHS and like anyone, he is entitled to voice his opinion, which for him is based on his experience of the NHS.

I was honoured when he asked if I’d consider writing a “guest blog”. I am not a blogger and the blogging world is very new to me. I had a completely different idea of what to write earlier today. I’m waiting an essay result tonight (Friday) from my University degree and am very anxious about it and was going to write a blog called “F*** this Anxiety”, but I am not sure how relevant it would have been to his blog to be honest, so I had a rethink.

It’s possible this is a cop out and I’ve ended up writing more about him than me here. I think when I am bit more “up and running” and confident with writing about myself or writing about something that would really interest his readers I will ask him if I can do another piece on here.

However for now, I’d like to make this more about him than me. There’s other reasons for this. He has just completed 11 years sober. That achievement speaks for itself. No need for me to add words like amazing, fantastic and wonderful when we all already know that. He’s been a good person for me to get to know as he has, and will continue to hopefully, teach me a thing or two about addiction. I’ve worked in the mental health field for many years, and supported people with addictions, but I’ve never really specialised in addiction work and so my general mental health knowledge is much stronger than my knowledge in addiction.

This is also the guy that was my inspiration behind getting involved with DryAthlon. That was basically eliminating booze for January 2014 to raise funds for Cancer Research. He even sponsored me £10 which was the 2nd highest figure I got and he has never even met me! Plus I know he is operating on a limited budget, so I was a bit blown away with that. Jon is also the person responsible for me coming into contact with someone on twitter called Judy @HeyJudeusa. He had pointed me in the direction of an interview she gave about losing her son to mental illness. Since then I’ve had a few chats with her on-line and am really happy to have become acquainted with her.

Oh, and Noggin. I believe that’s Jon’s word for his “mind” or his “brain”, although I might stand to be corrected on that! It might even be a true word for all I know. Often I’m not sure if some of his words are “the language of Jon” or actual words that I haven’t heard of LOL.Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)

Peace Out

Alex
@AJ628studentMH

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This is me

G’day, if you have been to this blog before……
You will know I never know where a post is going to go, I like this fact because it means it’s not planned so must be true.
You will also know I often contradict myself, I like this fact because it means it is my feelings at the time so must be true.

This post is different, I know where this post is going, I know I shouldn’t be typing right now because I have no filter to say “you can’t say that!”

First let me ask you a small favour, imagine I am on my knees and I am begging, if you think I am an good guy or if you think I’m a tosser PLEASE PLEASE SHARE, RT, REPOST, EMAIL, TALK ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ENSURE ANOTHER PERSON IS AWARE OF THIS POST!!!

I am going to reintroduce myself, I am Jon, I am “exboozehound”, I am not PC, What I am has many descriptions a number of them are: –
Nut job
Mentalist
Nutter
Bonkers
Mad as a bucket of frogs
Etc etc

I am also an alcoholic, an alcoholic that has been soba (sorry mom sober) almost 11 years, but I choose to still call myself an alcoholic, many disagree with this, I don’t care!

I am 40, I am 6 foot tall, I have a younger brother who is taller, slimmer and better looking than me (I disagree with the last bit, but others don’t 🙁 ), I’m about 13 stone (maybe a smidge over?), I have size 12 feet 😉 (that’s a lie 🙁 ), I smoke (although officially I gave up in January), I am in love with someone but complications keep us apart, I’m awesome at squash, I’ve just completed the 30 day plank challenge, I did 20 press ups today, I did 5 chin ups last night, I have decided I am going to start skate boarding (I kid you not… Stoked man gunna get me a sick board), I am a very talented photographer 😉 , I love the Happy record, I hate the fact I love the Happy record and I am a bad influence on my two awesome nephews… Think that will do…. Are you still with me??

As we all know people with mental illness are weak, pathetic and dangerous. They should just pull themselves together, strap on a pair or just have a nice holiday….. ABSOLUTE BOLLOX!!!!! We are strong, courageous and only dangerous to ourselves. We try everyday to pull ourselves together, I have a pair (thank you very much) and a nice holiday can make things worse!!! Some people with mental illness become dangerous because they don’t get any treatment or perhaps more importantly the correct treatment. I’m not going to talk about specifics but we all watch the news.

Amongst other things I posted this on Facebook today: –
“It’s the attitude of a winner….. Although the whole of my life I have considered myself a loser, I now KNOW I AM A WINNER!! There is a perception that people with mental illness are weak, soft, dangerous…. None of that is true, speaking for myself I am STRONG, PERHAPS GENTLE AND NEVER EVER DANGEROUS (only to myself, but those times have passed!!). There ain’t nothing I can’t handle, NOTHING! X”

I have some statistics for you, I know booooring! I also know statistics can prove anything you want them to!!! These may not be completely accurate but I lost concentration and just went with the first ones I could find: –

Great Britain population – 63,000,000
Great Britain population under 18 – 13,860,000
Great Britain eligible voters – 49,140,000
65% of eligible voters vote – 31,941,000
1 in 4 of those votes are made
by people with mental illness – 7,985,250

1 in 4 have Mental illness (63mill x 25%) – 15,750,000
Let’s say each of those mentally
ill have 3 family members (so 4?) – 63,000,000

I’m not actually sure what my point is here but I think you will agree there is something interesting in those figures???

So, with those sort of statistics how is it us mentalist are being treated like fucking pointless morons, how is it we are given the wrong medication, how is it we are killing ourselves, how is it that mental illness isn’t as important as physical illness, how is it that stigma still exists, how is it we are sent home from A&E, how is it I was not just sent home but told I shouldn’t of gone there, how is it that your reputation can be affected your reputation isn’t affected if you have a physical illness, how is it that it takes months to see a proper noggin doc, how is it that I am having to make myself ill by continuing with a formal complaint with the NHS, how is it right that people within the NHS actually asked me to complain, how is it that the NHS think they can write me a bullshit letter and think I will go away, how is it that when I phoned a CRISIS LINE I got an automated message saying the mail box is full and you cannot leave a message, how is it I can be given a CRISIS LINE number and when I ring it the person who answers says because I’m not known to them I can’t talk to anyone, how is it when I called another CRISIS LINE it was engaged twice!! (I have to say at this point when they did phone back the lady was awesome), how is it that some GP’s give advice that is absolute bollox, how is it that when my GP faxed a local mental health centre to say he was concerned about the fact I had planned to kill myself the day before it took them two days to phone me, how is it that I now have two meetings in the next couple of weeks with my local MP and the NHS about my complaint, how is it that the guy I met from the NHS was genuinely caring and concerned but his boss is obviously a muppet with no clue about mental illness, how is it that muppet probably gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and I have to live on ESA because the NHS faffed about so much, how is it that the NHS actually made my illness worse (FACT!), how is it that if I had just relied on the NHS to help me I would be dead by now, how is it that I hear stories of people who have actually killed themselves because the NHS were shit in 2003 and are still shit now, how is it that mental illness is not considered a terminal illness, how is it that when I typed into Google “what’s the best way to” the fist option it gave was “die” and on the first page it talked about methods of suicide, how is it the these fucking MP’s are still getting away with spouting out absolute bollox when they know they will never fix the NHS because it’s not in their interest……….watch film Woman in Gold now

There are so many more things I could put in the section above, it is a fucking disgrace!!!

Why did I ask you at the start to post, share, email etc etc, because through Twitter, Facebook and this blog I have met people that know these illnesses inside out, I can read them like a book and they can read me like a book. A lady I have never met and have only been aware of for a week or so sent me a DM on Facebook because she could spot from simple posts that I was struggling. I have received loads of private messages from people who are suffering but are too ashamed to speak out. I believe I have destroyed my chance of ever having a proper job again, anyone who reads my words would never employ me and I don’t blame them. Will people ever be able to trust me 100%, I’m a mentalist I could be dangerous! Most of these book monkeys know fuck all, I seem to of got lucky because my psychiatrist appears to be human and able to speak English not just the language of book bollox.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE THAT WE JOIN TOGETHER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DO ACTUALLY KNOW MENTAL ILLNESS, WHETHER IT BE INDIVIDUALS, CHARITIES, HELP GROUPS, WEBSITES, TWITTER ACCOUNTS, FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS, BLOGS, GOOD NOGGIN DOCS, MENTALISTS, NORMALS, AND SO ON. IF WE ALL KEEP PULLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WE WILL STILL BE FUCKED IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!!

Here comes the delusional bit:-
I made a pledge on the Time To Change Pledge Wall and I am going to 100% honour that pledge…
Jon exboozehound.co.uk
I pledge to do everything possible to help people and to make the NHS provide a proper joined up Mental Health Service

Here comes the weird bit:-
I always thought clairvoyance was bollox but last week my Mom went to see one and here is what the clairvoyant said about me….

“He will choose a new direction/new career, this would be to help other people over a wide area who are suffering as he was and to help them understand there illness better”

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It is time to stop fucking about with this.

It is time to do something.

We can make a difference!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂

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Awesome and tough day

Strange one today….I saw the psychiatrist for the second time and unfortunately had to post this on my return: –

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I say unfortunately, because I have to go back a bit on what I have said before, don’t get me wrong I still think the NHS is broken, I have always said the NHS staff are very good (mostly!) and also let down by the NHS system. However I am wrong to call all psychiatrists “book monkeys” (I will continue to call them this, sorry). I guess I cant name the noggin doc I saw for the second time today, but he has gained my trust today because he spoke like a human being and a lot, maybe even most of what he said made sense. A mate of mine commented on Facebook in reply to  the remark about them “using sales techniques”: –

“I think us sales people use their techniques me old fruit!”

My reply was: –

“Very good point!! Bollox!!!! X”

Although I can admit I am wrong, I don’t like to 🙁 . You will however notice I replied to myself on Twitter with a little comment for Jeremy Hunt, not that he will read it or do anything about it, but hey ho.

It was a tough day because I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist again, but like most things it worked out better than I had thought. It’s was an awesome day because he seemed very pleased with my progress, he has put on hold the extra drugs he mentioned last time, which I was very very happy about, and he was very complimentary about the coping mechanisms I have put in place and adapted myself. I will now see him again in 2 months, when he said that last time I found it very stressful, this time I know I can cope and progress.

Before anyone starts thinking “careful Jon, don’t get a head of yourself” I know this and am prepared for it, a few weeks back I had a situation that made me realise I wasn’t as stable as I thought (click here for post on this) I did some very silly things that I’m ashamed of and I still regret, but I can’t change them I have to move forward. Because of this realisation moment I had to reevaluate and adapt, I now know what I have to do and if those things start to stop working I will reevaluate and adapt again. I am building a good “exboozehound recovery dictionary” and a very strong “exboozehound library of life mottos” and these will help see me through. I’m going to try to put together the above “dictionary” and “library” for my next post. I think regular readers will probably know a few of these by now!!

There was obviously other stuff discussed during the appointment, but some things I have to keep to myself, at least until I get my noggin around them anyway.

I will finish with a statement of fact: –

 “I am stronger than I have ever been, I know I have mental health issues but I’m not ashamed of that. Mental illness has made me what I am today and what I am today is a good guy, a strong guy, a loyal guy, an honest guy, a dependable guy (not always), and finally a collections of “Jon’s” that I am starting to like”Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

Ok that’s a bit over the top, but fuck it, it’s been a long time since I have been able to say “I like me”.

Keep smiling 🙂

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2nd Psychiatrist appointment Wednesday

As the title suggests my second psychiatrist appointment is almost here and it has me a little wound up…. I should be able to remember when I last saw him but I can’t, think it was end of November beginning of December I could look the date up but I can’t be arsed…..

Why am I wound up? I don’t know really there are various reasons, I guess he will be able to tell me on Wednesday, but I am going to use this post to try and work out why I am wound up. This goes against a lot of things I have said in the past but it is important I get as much out of my second appointment as possible…..

The last time is saw him, I was quite impressed, he had me talking about stuff I have never spoken about, he had me crying and he had me being about as honest as I have ever been able to be with a noggin doctor. He put up my meds to the top dose and talked about another drug we might try next time if needed. All good really, nice guy, seemed to know what he was doing and eventually had a positive effect on me…. I say eventually because I think it stressed me out a bit for a while last time, but overall positive, I think?

I’m concerned he is gunna say stuff like “tell me about your childhood” and “how did that make you feel” etc etc, but the truth is there was nothing wrong with my childhood. I don’t actually remember a lot, I get confused when I here people say stuff like “my first memory was when I was about 3…..” WTF???? How the hell do you remember that stuff, I don’t….. I can tell stories from my childhood, but I think that is because they are stories that are told over and over again, I don’t actually remember them, this makes me a little sad. If you have read other blogs about booze and mental illness I guess you will of read “I always thought there was something different about me as a child, I never felt like I fitted in anywhere, I always felt on the edge of everything, I could feel lonely in a crowded room etc….” Might sound like bollox but I know they are real feelings, these are probably the only things I do remember. If he starts asking stuff like that I will just be honest, it’s the way I roll these days.

I am also concerned because I had a letter from the chief executive of my local NHS mental health trust this week with the “FINDINGS” (LMFAO!) from the investigation into my formal complaint (click here for details if you have some spare time!). I don’t think it is wise for me to go into my feelings and thoughts on these findings, all I will say is “NOT IMPRESSED!!!! AND THE FIRST GUY I MET WITH WAS REALLY GOOD AND I FELT COMPLETELY GENUINE BUT THE CHIEF EXECUTIVES LETTER HAS UNDONE ANY TRUST I HAD IN THE INVESTIGATION!” I will leave it there, I have already had a rant on social media and sent a message to the local trust…. Oh just one more thing, there is a week between the date on the letter and the post mark on the envelope, nope I’m not making it up, UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE! I have a letter assuring me that my complaint will in no way effect the treatment/therapy I receive, I do not believe this and I can prove it has effected my treatment/therapy but I’m keeping that bit to myself for now.

I’m concerned because although I accept I just have an illness, I don’t bloody want it, it’s hard work. I am going to give you an example of why it is hard work, I want to preempt this by saying my issues are my issues, I would not be where I am today without the support of my family!! They have been amazing! Although it is important I have therapy and I take meds I have no hesitation in saying the NHS has mainly hindered my recovery, where I am today is down to family, friends new and old and the strength inside me!

So the example… I have changed my mind I’m not going to give an example, but what I will say is because I speak about my mental health and my family and friends support me I am able to just be me and if I need to walk away for a couple of minutes or leave suddenly no-one questions it they just accept it. This gives me a lot of strength, this allows me to “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”, this allows me to start to “Find Jon a Serene Jon” (there is a message within that and there is only one person that will understand it :p). Because of the support of family and friends I am beginning to find Jon and there is definitely serenity emerging, I never liked whoever that Jon was before and could never understand why people did like him. I don’t want you to read that as a negative or think “fucking nut job” I want you to read that as a positive. I will never be a born again Christian but I am a born again Jon, I am a born again exboozehound. I have a couple of new tattoos they are simply “exboozehound”, “1973”, “2003” and “2013”. We know exboozehound is me, but what about the dates, they are the years I was born: –

1973 – year I was born
2003 – year I gave up booze and was born again
2013 – year I finally went dolallytap and was born again because I finally had to address the shit I tried to hide for 20 years.

Good place to end I think?

Keep smiling 🙂

The power of social media

Slightly off subject and I will be keeping this short.

I always said I would never go on Facebook and when Twitter was suggested to me I tried it and I did not understand it. Twitter was where the name exboozehound was finally made official I had called myself it for a long time, but Twitter made it real, now I have my blog and I have it tattooed on my chest 🙂 .

I have accounts with most of the social media sites now, I have a poor understanding of most of them and usually can’t remember all the bloody passwords but I have the accounts so I am cool and down with the kids.

I did some maths last night, by choice, (yes I am sad!) and added up my followers followers the total was over 6,000,000! AMAZING! Since then I have a few more followers with an amazing amount of followers.

The reason I did this, apart from being sad, was to see what the potential reach a Tweet could have. I know I’m not going to reach them all but the potential is there in theory.

I have an issue with the NHS at the moment and I am not going to give up, I may very well be asking for your help very soon!

Catch u all soon 🙂

Keep smiling 🙂

Whats the point?

The title of this post may seem negative but I promise you it isn’t!!!

The questions is about whats the point of this blog and the answer is it varies depending on where my noggin is on that day. On the first page of this blog “About Me” there is a paragraph that goes like this: –

“I have started this blog to share my experiences, good and bad. I am going to be completely honest and I guarantee I will contradict myself from time to time.”

On my “Intro Post” I wrote a number of disclaimers. I hadn’t planned to swear quite as much as I have, I have used *’s a lot but I have left someone of the swears pure. If you saw my recent attempt at poetry (lol) you will know swearing is actually cool!!! 

Remember you need to rhythm to “Santa Claus you c**t” in your head to read it correctly…..

depression you cunt

 

I have stated my views on the NHS most of them negative, justifiably!!, but I always speak positively about NHS staffl. Yesterday I needed to call a crisis line for help, I’ve had poor experiences with these lines before. I believe that most of us are happy to complain but don’t give credit where credit is due enough, I try to do both, recently I had an on-line conversation, I am very happy with the deal I squeezed out of them but complimented the person on their sales skills, sorry customer service skills (?!?!) and when I received a “satisfaction survey” I went to town with praise for their operative “Nicola”. So “Marie” credit where credit is due, you were fantastic yesterday when you called me back from the crisis line, (yes you had to call me back because when I first tried to call the line it was engaged twice….) you are another example of brilliant, caring and knowledgeable NHS staff, Thank you!

So, “Whats the point?” of this blog, I still don’t know but I do know what I want the point to be…….

Honestly I want to help me but more importantly I want to help others, I want to make a difference. I can’t get back the 20 years of my life I have wasted with booze and mental illness but I can do something to help others not waste years of their lives. I have destroyed so many things in the past and the present and this is where my destructive tendencies stop!!!

I need to raise the profile of this site and I need YOUR help, I guess admitting you read this blog is embarrassing but so many of you have complimented me on my “honesty and openness” in private. You could be reading this blog because you have a loved one with booze or mental health issues nobody needs to know why you are reading this BUT PLEASE TELL PEOPLE. I have used my family connection to @BillyIdol, he RT’d me and I gained some followers from Australia, America, Canada and the UK. Please please follow me on Twitter and invite others to follow me, please RT me. Please like and share my blog posts on Facebook, I know there are people out there that read the blog but have never liked or shared a link. If you know or are related to anyone influential be it just mouthy or famous please get them to follow and RT me on Twitter. You can subscribe to receive posts by email but it doesn’t always work so Twitter is the place WE need to concentrate on.

If you are embarrassed about reading my blog I understand if you have to tweet something like “@exboozehound lol this bloke is proper mad as a bucket of frogs #bonkers” that’s cool.

Thank you in anticipation for your help, yam all bostin!!!

Tweet, Re-tweet, Favourite, Reply, Share, Like, Comment and of course Keep Smiling 🙂

Stable? Are you F**K!

I have realised today I’m not as stable as I thought, if i’m honest I have been slowly realising this over the last few days. I went to a meeting this week, the presentation given was titled “Adult Social Care Budget Engagement – What’s Important to You?” it may not sound very interesting but it was. There weren’t many people there and as usual I think I had the most to say, most of it negative or as we say in sales “constructive criticism” . However I have been in touch with one of the guys who gave the presentation and they appear to be interested in my feedback, even though I said things like “Your websites are pathetic” and “The government don’t want to fix the NHS it’s not in their interest it’s too expensive and they want to get rid”. After this meeting I was not well and in the meeting I could feel my twitching and buzzing head coming on, hard work but hopefully worth it. I didn’t start realising anything at this point.

On Friday I met with a friend for a McDonald’s (other eating establishments are available, but just in case I can get some free stuff… Excellent food, excellent service, would recommend) we sat and talked about various stuff and I started to notice I was talking at 100 mph and feeling a bit manic. I started to get a bit stressed and thinking people where watching me thinking “Nutter”. Strangely I can’t remember Saturday…… Hey ho “it is what is is”.

Today has been a strange one and as at about 23:00 I had decided I need to put myself in hospital, I just want to be dosed up and out of it for a while to get some peace. However i’m pretty sure they wont hospitalise me unless i’m a danger to myself or others…. The problem is I’m not a danger to others (never have been never will be) and even through all the pain of the last couple of days i’m still not a danger to myself. I could lie and say I am, but I don’t lie anymore it is now my policy that if I can’t be honest I don’t say anything. I need to say at this point if you are reading this and you think this is your fault, IT ISN’T!! “it is what it is” remember “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” and “Guilt is a waste of energy”…. If I didn’t want to help I wouldn’t have I would of just left you to it, if anything you have helped me realise I need to reevaluate and re-plan…. So I helped you and you helped me… End of!! 

I have written two poems in the last couple of days, one of them is pretty private and very important to me and the other one I posted on Face Book earlier, there are a lot of *’s!!!! You need to know an old song called “Santa Claus You C**T” to know the rhythm (?) of the words, they fit to this tune (just about): –

A poem by exboozehound entitled “Hey Depression You C**T”

Hey Depression you c**t
Were still in a fucking fight
You tried to take my life from me but you’re a fu**ing pussy shite
Yes you had a proper go and you’re still fu**ing with my mind
But you aint got a fu**ing chance cus you’re a fu**ing pussy shite
You’ve took my house, my job, my cash but you are gunna find
I’m stronger than you you c**t
And i’m gunna be just fine
Yes you you c**t you’ve lost the fight
Have you got the message yet
You’re a fu**ing pussy shite!!

Ok….. it’s not Shakespeare, and I couldn’t make the last bit fit as it should, but I think it has certain qualities (??). I thought I felt alright this morning, I was speaking with someone on Face Book they asked “are you struggling today?” and I replied “not really, bit weird but im on top form for a loon bag 🙂 x”. I don’t think they believed me, I believed me. Reading it back I no longer believe me because very soon after that I began to mis-behave….. I thought my poem (if that’s an accurate word?) was positive, I’m now unsure…. I’m not going to worry about that cus as we all know by now “it is what it is”.

At about 20:30 tonight I posted another fairly telling thing on Face Book and I pasted a link to this post into comments on the Face Book pages of Jeremy Hunt, Norman Lamb, David Cameron and Ed Miliband, yup I kid you not :-/, I also emailed the link to two of Norman Lamb’s people, yes two :-/. But you know what I don’t regret it, maybe I will at some point but at the moment I stand by my post 100%: –

I hope you 2 useless fuckwits are having a relaxing Sunday. I’ve spent a lot of mine talking to someone on Twitter who is very close to taking an overdose because your fucking NHS is a complete and utter waste of space. I will be meeting with my local MP soon and I hope he will pass on my exact thoughts on to you although I would prefer to do it in person. Sort it out or admit you can’t and fuck right off!!!

https://www.facebook.com/jeremyhuntsws
I also tweeted: –

@Jeremy_Hunt A monkey cld do yr job better & u @normanlamb one of yr people once replied to me on FB & then nothing. #mentalhealth #nhs

It didn’t end there, there were also a number of other tweets, below are a couple of the better ones: –

@Jeremy_Hunt @normanlamb @APMiller1949 They need to strap on a pair and admit they can’t and don’t want to fix the NHS

And…..

@Jeremy_Hunt @normanlamb @APMiller1949 it’s not about mental health to them tho it’s about numbers, bullshit and votes

I think we can probably agree i’m not as stable as I thought. I have been a bit of a mad man over the last couple of days. I’m not ashamed and I wont feel guilty because they are pointless wastes of energy, yes I’m not happy if I have upset or worried anyone but they know I don’t mean any harm. A few weeks ago I was a danger to myself, now i’m not and I can prove it, I will tell you a little secret…. Today I went to Asda and I parked on the top floor, when I got out of the car I smiled and said “fuck you” (I was speaking to the car park, Oof! probably shouldn’t admit that!). I did a little bit of shopping then got in the lift to go back to the top floor, as I got out of the lift I put on my Ray-Ban’s (any free stuff would be most welcome, there really isn’t any other sunglasses worth wearing!) lit a cigarette and walked around the whole perimeter of the top floor, smiling like a loon. I used to poo my pants up there it really worried me, but now I was laughing at the place it no longer holds any fear for me…… :).

So, we know I could be a little more stable but we also know I have come a long way…. is my poem positive or negative? Who knows but one bit that I know is positive is: –

You’ve took my house, my job, my cash but you are gunna find
I’m stronger than you you c**t
And i’m gunna be just fine
Yes you you c**t you’ve lost the fight

Please continue with me on my journey, I am proof that it does get better, you can cope, you will continue to cope, you are strong enough, you are worth it, people love you, people want you to get better, people want you to be happy, you will find happiness (perhaps not all the time, but keep a note of the “gem” moments they will mount up), yes you will have wobbles and bad times but all you have to do is keep adapting, be honest with yourself and the people around you, it’s pretty simple really just…….

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Now, what was I gunna do next, oh yes bring down the government…..

Keep Smiling 🙂Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)

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Going to print (sort of)

Yesterday I spent another 3 hours going through my “thingymajig” mainly formatting it but a bit of proof reading as well. Having to read it back destroyed me a bit and I have huge doubts about actually publishing it but I think today will be the day :-\

I think I’ve mentioned on here before that I hit 20000 words and then a couple of things smacked me in the fizog (face) and made me quite ill again, I realised that one of the things that was making me ill was writing the thingymajig and I needed to either publish it or forget it. I have pasted in the blog contents up to a certain date and although this might seem like a bit of a cheat I actually think it is ok for me to do this? I’ve set the price at £5 if I get bad feedback about the price I will reduce it (possibly). It’s not about the money for me, although cus I can’t work on the grounds of being a nut job I do need some cash, in the main it’s about other people asking me to do it and saying my words helped them and will help others. This might sound a bit delusional but I think my words can help people, actually I know they can because I have had a number of messages in private and in the open saying just this, this fills me with such pride….

Finally I have achieved something, finally I can feel like I have succeeded at something…. No it’s not what I always wanted to achieve, good job, big house, expensive cars and all that jazz but to have been told I stopped someone killing themselves is so much more worth while than all that shite!!!!

Saf made this comment a few days ago xxx

 APRIL 1, 2014

The world needs those memoirs! They will be on my book shelf. You forgot one other thing you are good at…helping others! You and your blog has reached out to others and made a difference! What if thats been ure destiny all along. Helluva price to pay I know but what u do matters. People need to hear the voice of the ‘patient’ its certainly improved my practice as a nurse in addictions and personally i know im not alone in dealing with whats in my head!

I have no words to respond properly to this….

I had a message on Twitter the other day simply saying “Thank you for cheering me up this morning” This filled me with a wonderful feeling and all I did was basically say “hi, how are you?”.

So as I’ve said before “thinking (thunking) is overrated” “Just do it” “it is what it is” “enjoy the good and ride out the bad” “strap on a pair”.

I have strapped on a pair and I’m ready to roll….

I think? :-\

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Omdat het door de hoofpijn gewoon niet meer prettig is of het stimuleren van de follikel en waardoor veel van de wanden van bloedvaten en i had no idea Water during the town’s fire chief Behandeling gigantisch ingezet kapitaal. Open pillen moeten op een donkere of dit seksuele supplement ondersteunt mannelijke Lees meer bij libido.

Angry

I only posted yesterday so this might be too early to post again but today I am angry, today I am feeling sorry for myself, today I am questioning if I am a good person, today I’ve fucking had enough!!

There will be some language to follow so I will apologise now…..

First lets get something straight…. Yes I have had enough, yes I feel I cannot take this shit anymore, yes I feel desperate but NO, STILL NO THOUGHTS OF I MUST END MY LIFE!!!! Thankfully they are history, hopefully for good!!!!! Those thoughts being history is awesome but I will tell you one thing for sure it has got absolutely fuck all to do with the NHS, if the NHS was all the support I had there would be no exboozehound blog, there would be no exboozehound, he would be gone by now. There are many reasons why I am still here, my Mom, my Dad, my Brother, my Sister in law, my Nephews, my Aunt, my Nan, my cats, my new friends from this blog, my friends (actual and social media) and a guy named Danny Baker who I found on Twitter…. The other reason I am still here is “ME”, yes i’m a bit fucked up but I wont give up….. no fucking way!!

I am fully aware people will defend the NHS, but I am not going to apologise for anything on this post apart from the language….

It’s not just the Mental Health part of the NHS its the whole lot, someone I know has just been treated like a piece of meat in Russells Hall Hospital, Dudley, West Midlands, DY1 2HQ. Each department seems to be a separate country with absolutely no way of communicating with each other.

Lets be honest this government, the government before and the following government will NEVER fix the NHS, it’s not in their interest, it’s too expensive…… if it was a factory it would of been shut down fucking years ago.

My NHS story is on here somewhere, i’m not going to go over it again but to sum up they might of well just bent me over a table and fucked me….. Yes I am speaking with good people now that are investigating my complaints and I have now seen a psychiatrist and will shortly be starting some therapy and yes they will now go to work on me and sort me out but if they had done something useful back in June, maybe back in January, maybe years back I wouldn’t be ranting on here today, I would probably be moaning about my first day back at work in 2014. Asking for help is a difficult thing to do, when you ask for help you should not have to wait months to get some help and my story is nothing in comparison to others I now know of, my months waiting would be classed as a slick operation……..

My Mental Health is mainly to blame as to why I am where I am today, my “i’m a man, men don’t cry” bollox has something to answer for as well but and this is a huge BUT the NHS is culpable in a big way!!!!

I think that will do, I want to say so much more but my concentration has gone.

We are lucky to have an NHS I know that, but if the doors aren’t open and there’s no connected stuff inside what the fucks the point???????

“Oh you have a broken leg, we could put it in plaster but I just need to check with 15 departments. It is a bit cold in here, why don’t you run around and do some star jumps to keep warm? Oh that made your leg worse, who’d of thought it?”

You can’t keep a good man down and I am a good man I have been told so today :).

Keep smiling 🙂